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Going to bed the other night, I noticed people in my shed stealing things.
I phoned the police but was told no one was in the area. They said they would send someone over as soon as possible.
I hung up. A minure later I rang again. "Hello", I said, "I called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. You don't have to hurry now, because I've shot them."
Within minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, plus helicopters and an armed response unit. They caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the officers said: "I thought you said you'd shot them."
To which I replied: "I thought you said there was no one available."
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