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INT. WAREHOUSE
OMEGA is still pointing his CANNON at our heroes. He looks a lot like a chimp in a SS uniform. Since the previous part of the fanfic, he has also acquired a LUDICROUS GERMAN ACCENT.
OMEGA: Ah ha ha! Since I am very EVIL, I vill now gloat at all of you about the triumph of ze Third Reich!
LUCIFER: You never did finish reading that Second World War history book, did you?
OMEGA: Don’t spoil ze ending! I vant to see how Hitler vins!
LUCIFER: Err…He doesn’t.
OMEGA: Bastard! For zat you vill die, English svine!
The DRIVER’S HATCH opens.
JUSTSARAH: When can I come out??? It’s crap in there!!!!! It smells of your farts!!!! ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!
OMEGA: Shut up!
OMEGA draws his trusty Luger and blows her tiny brains out.
OMEGA: No can stand in our vay and VOT ZER FOKK?!
SUDDENLY, the warehouse door is flung open and light spills in. Standing there is a woman. She is wearing full body armour and a powered exo-skeleton, and is holding a 50mm anti-tank rifle. She looks extremely futuristic and Manga-y and COOL.
CAPTION: ‘KATHOLIC KOMMANDO VIOLET_BEAUREGARDE’
SMALLER CAPTION: ‘And her Rack™’
EVEN SMALLER CAPTION: ‘Rack™ is a Trademark of Nick-The- Knife enterprises Inc. All rights reserved.’
NICK punches LUCIFER for stealing his JOKE.
VIOLET takes aim with her rifle.
OMEGA: Quickly! Turn us to face her! Fokk, I just shot my own driver. Ah, shiess…
VIOLET shoots the Panzer, which EXPLODES HUGELY.
When the smoke clears, the dust settles and the pigs fly, everyone stands up and dusts themselves off.
SLATER: You took your time getting here. Assclown.
VIOLET: Nice to see you too, Slater.
LUCIFER: There’s no way I’m ever going to be able to keep track of all these Crankylanders at once. We’re going to have to split up for some obtuse reason.
WULFGAR: Look, there’s a huge train coming out of that nearby station. Amazing, since it’s so big, that nobody has previously thought it worthy of comment.
LUCIFER: Right. Slater, Wulfgar, Rabbit, Retard, Violet; you go and jump on the train.
WULFGAR dons his LIGHT-SPEED ASSAULT KILT and runs to the train. The others follow.
SUDDENLY, NICK and ARON are hit by a bolt of DELAYED CHARACTERISATION. This is chiefly caused by Lucifer MAKING UP THE STORY AS HE GOES ALONG.
NICK: I am a tough bounty hunter who plays by his own rules and has a score to settle. I must kill Liquid- Sunshine with my own two hands.
ARON: I am a special agent and criminal psychologist. I will go with him.
LUCIFER: Right,. You go try to take out L-S.
They DO.
LUCIFER: That leaves me and Gwen.
GWEN: What can we do?
LUCIFER: We shall go back to the office. I keep a gratuitous James Bond reference in the cellar. It will help us.
INT. LUCIFER’S CELLAR
A polished steel door slides aside with a hiss to reveal a SECRET LAB!
A woman steps forward. She is wearing a lab coat and glasses, and has a clipboard under one arm. She is PSEUDONYM.
LUCIFER: Morning, Pseu.
GWEN punches LUCIFER because he is an IDIOT.
PSEU: Morning, sir. We have prepared the unlikely devices you requested for you car.
LUCIFER: What about the Other Thing?
PSEU: That’s finished too.
LUCIFER: Excellent.
EXT. LUCIFER’S OFFICE
GWEN and LUCIFER leave. LUCIFER shuts the door. There is a HUGE EXPLOSION.
LUCIFER: I really have to get that fixed.
They both walk to LUCIFER’S car. Suddenly there is another, different HUGE EXPLOSION!
LUCIFER runs back to find the building in ruins.
LUCIFER: Pseu! Why, God? You were a good Crankylander!
INT. CASTLE DULL
Madman’s theme, as usual.
L-S turns away from a view screen and frowns. Before him stands BUBBLES_POWERPUFF.
L-S: That was not part of the plan. I will not allow personal vendettas. They are interesting.
BUBBLES: But sir, she was intelligent! Much, much more so than me! Surely you would have killed her anyway!
L-S slams his fist on the table.
L-S: GOD DAMMIT THAT’S NOT THE POINT! You follow my orders. If not, I’m sure it could be arranged for you to have posted something…interesting…
BUBBLES shudders.
L-S: Now, begone. I wish to be dull in peace.
EXT. STREETS AROUND DULL CASTLE
ARON and NICK are walking along. NICK is your average bounty hunter; tough, muscular and with a scar across one eye. He is moodily smoking a piano.
ARON looks far more like Bubblegum Crisis’ Daley Wong than he has any right to.
NICK: Aron, I want you to review the facts of the case. Without stealing my ‘review’ joke from Gun Cunts.
ARON: Right. Well, we know L-S has his Generals, right? Each one evil, dull and tedious. I’d guess that, given the nature of his plans and their overall quality so far, we’re not facing an evil genius.
NICK: No?
ARON: I believe that we are, in fact, facing an evil idiot.
NICK: Right.
They near the main gates to DULL CASTLE.
NICK: Time to sneak in.
He throws a grappling hook into the air, and uses it to climb the castle’s huge, sheer, sod-boring wall.
EXT. & INT. VARIOUS SNEAKING SCENES I CAN’T BE ARSED TO WRITE
INT. L-S’S OFFICE
NICK and ARON burst in. NICK pulls out a SPAS-12 and unloads it into the chair in front of him.
NICK (panting): You fucker…That’s for…Gun Cunts…
The chair slowly turns around. It is empty.
NICK: What?
ARON suddenly keels over, a knife stuck in the side of his throat. As NICK turns, he is hit in the chest by a crossbow bolt. A figure steps out of the shadows. It is MIA_WALLACE.
NICK: You bitch…Why? You’re…remotely…interesting…
MIA: Money, sugar. Plain and simple.
She draws a pistol and shots him in the head.
L-S steps out of the shadows.
L-S: Excellent. Everything is going according to my evil plan…MUWHAHAHAHAHAHA!
To be continued…
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