Darkness

Bomb Rating: 

Eventually we learn what we always learn in situations like these: Something really bad happened in the house and the family should leave. Of course, they don't leave and bad things happen.

This was an easy dynamite. This film made no sense, wasn't the least bit suspenseful, had virtually no individual scenes of intensity, and basically bored me to tears from beginning to end. It's also rated PG-13, so you know going in that there's not going to be any real gore and Anna Paquin will not be naked. That's like going into a restaurant and having the waiter tell you that the chef has gone loco and urinated in all the food but it'll taste fine. The most interesting question in the entire film was this: why does a family living in Spain have an Irish electrician?

Seriously, that was the strangest thing about the film. It's set in Spain for whatever reason. Lena Olin is one of the parents, Maria. Iain Glen is the other, Marco. They move into a house with their children, Regina (Anna Paquin) and young Paul (Stephan Enquist). Weird shit starts happening with the electricity. An Irish electrician comes over. Okay, Paul's pencils start rolling under the bed for no reason too, but I just couldn't figure out why the casting director didn't hire a Spaniard to play the electrician. Honestly, it seemed like the filmmakers might have been bored and decided to try and include as many different accents as possible.

I guess I was supposed to be afraid because Paul's pencils would roll under the bed, Marco was prone to fits, and every time the lights went out, images of children would seem to appear. Unfortunately, it's never very interesting. Eventually we learn what we always learn in situations like these: Something really bad happened in the house and the family should leave.

Of course, they don't leave and bad things happen. Also, hasn't anyone heard of candles? The evil in this house can only function in the dark, so naturally the electricity is always going out. A bunch of well-placed candles would have not only eliminated the problem of the evil, but the entire reason for this film as well, though I suppose that would have inevitably brought up a wind issue, but I still think it was worth a try.

To spread the word about this Darkness review on Twitter.

To get instant updates of Mr. Cranky reviews, subscribe to our RSS feed.
0 Comments

Like This Darkness Review? Vote it Up.

0

Rate This Movie:

Average: 2 (1 vote)

Other Cranky Content You Might Enjoy

  • When I was a kid, we had many cats. We kept our normal house cats, but we also fed the local strays on the back porch.

  • The only thing that's holding Martin Lawrence back as he tries to be convincing as a fat, sixty-year-old woman, is the fact that he's been trying to convince people for years that he's really a comedi

  • More a student film experiment than a real movie, "Run, Lola, Run" was probably spawned by a couple of people sitting around a table trying to figure out how they could turn a 20-page script into a fe