There are so many things wrong with this film that I'm just left wondering why it hasn't become painfully obvious to Hollywood what has been painfully obvious to the rest of us since "Naked Gun 33 and 1/3," which is that the pure "Airplane"-style spoof is deader than Dick Cheney's shot at a marksmanship merit badge.

The fact that this movie even got made is a direct result of the rather insidious shift that occurred in the "Scary Movie" franchise when the Wayans brothers bowed out and the whole thing moved from their young, hip, urban sensibilities back to the old, suburban, white guy sensibilities represented by, among others, David ("My Boss's Daughter") Zucker. Suddenly, jokes about Eminem are replaced with jokes about M&Ms, and nobody seems to see the disconnect. And yes, I know that particular comparison isn't quite fair since there was an "8 Mile" parody in "Scary Movie 3," but one gets sense the writers just aren't interested in those jokes. And when you really think about it, "Scary Movie" is just a bland parody of "Scream," which is itself a play on horror movies.

If that analysis made your head hurt, join the club. The fact I even have to point such things out suggests the depths of stupidity to which we have sunk. "Date Movie" is a parody of, among other movies, "Bridget Jones's Diary," "Hitch," "Meet the Parents," "Meet the Fockers" and virtually any teen movie in which an ugly duckling becomes a beautiful swan. Alyson Hannigan in a fat suit plays Julia Jones, who becomes beautiful via a "Pimp My Ride" style makeover. Then she meets Grant Funkyerdoder (Adam Campbell) and the comedy shit hits the fan.

Shit hitting a fan IS the perfect metaphor here and every joke under the sun comes at the audience and almost none of them stick to the wall. All one really needs to do is a microanalysis of Grant's last name: Funkerdoder. Is it really that much funnier than "Focker"? The answer is no, but it's precisely the type of joke this movie pummels moviegoers with until they're beaten into a kind of obliviousness. The jokes aren't funny. The tone never changes. "Date Movie" is like an air raid siren of bad comedy, a film best described as "deafeningly unfunny."