Dear God

Bomb Rating: 

I feel embarrassed, even humbled, that it actually took me a few minutes to realize that some wiseguy had shortened the title of this film to "Dear God" from "Dear God: Please Let it End, Please, Please, Please..." If you're dragged to this film because your spouse wants to go, be warned -- the experience will create enough enduring resentment to destroy even the most solid of marriages.

First of all, the film stars Greg Kinnear, a former talk show host. Second of all, it has Tim Conway in it. What was Tim's last great film, "The Apple Dumpling Gang"? To make matters worse, the film ends with a court case against Tom Turner (Kinnear) for tampering with the mail, which opens the way for Christopher Darden's feature film debut as a reporter. This was about all I could take. The guy has all the personality of a telephone cord. Why do celebrities like Darden insist they can be as boring on screen as they are in real life? Don't they know why it's called "acting"?

If you pulled every cliché and stereotype out of this film, you'd have nothing more than two hours of darkness -- and dear God, what a refreshing two hours that would have been. The story, such as it is, follows Tom as he takes a court-ordered job in a post office, hoping to bide his time for a year until he can return to his con-artist lifestyle.

In order to make this whole post-office thing fly, the filmmakers have Tom accidentally stuff his paycheck money into an envelope containing his reply to a letter. This is the kind of plot twist I'd expect from a kindergartner writing her first story with a large, red crayon. Given that, I'd say the makers of "Dear God" need a time out.

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