Defiance

Bomb Rating: 

Daniel Craig is the most Aryan looking Jew I've ever seen in my life.

Daniel Craig in Defiance

Sometimes a film can come out in relative obscurity, and turn out to be an almost tolerable adventure all the same. Defiance isn't one of those. It's a holocaust movie, which means dead bodies, cruel deaths, evil Nazi's, and sallow, miserable starving Jews. It's almost guaranteed that the sadistic misery-loving public will go and see this movie. Let's not kid ourselves: holocaust movies make bank. Every time. They do to film what Johnny Depp does for Tim Burton. They are money spinners, formulas that sell. Ka-ching. New Jews making money off dead Jews. And they say anti-semitism isn't ironic.  

Schindler's List is still the pinnacle of holocaust movies; it contained all those fun Holocaust elements that made us reflect on how terrible World War 2 was, and how happy we all should be for not having lived through it. Now please stop Hollywood. Stop. Step away from the Jew. Or at least spend some of that rampant cash on a decent script. Am I the only person left alive that cares about the story? I don't want to see mass graves, dead children, and the ghetto again and again. Please find something else unless of course, you plan on doing it really well. Defiance doesn't come close.  

Here’s the thing: the more bad Holocaust films you make, the more Holocaust clichés you employ, the more the Holocaust itself becomes a cliché. The first few Holocaust films had a message and were probably intended to be meaningful. The last hundred were commercial vehicles designed to play on audience sympathies and line the producers’ pockets with money. Ultimately, Hollywood has done what every Jew on the planet pleas desperately to never happen: made the Holocaust meaningless on a pop culture scale.

Despite his early career pit-stain of producing "I am Sam", this is hardly director, Edward Zwick's fault. His epics generally cause less pain than the norm. I have to blame the semi-conscious retard that hired the cast. Blonde haired, blue eyed Tuvia Bielski (Daniel Craig) is the most Aryan looking Jew I've ever seen in my life. His brother Zus Bielski (Liev Schreiber) looks like a lumberjack. They live in a forest like lost boys from Disney's Peter Pan. And they're all supposed to be Russian.  

The ridiculous accents I can handle, but for some reason in every scene there is a man or woman coughing. It alternates from supporting actor to lead actor to child on the edge of the screen. It degenerates into consistent low hacking choruses of wheezing and spluttering. They should have renamed the film 'defiant cough,' because it does not go away. So Aryan Jew and his lumberjack brother save a gaggle of people and flee into the forest. Cough. Some of them decide to fight with the Red Army. Cough. Some decide to build a camp. Cough. And another camp because the first is destroyed. Cough, cough. Then the Germans come. The plot twist to end all plot twists.  

After rummaging through my pockets for a handy strip of cough drops and eating at least six in a desperate attempt to get the actors on screen to stop coughing, I fell into codeine induced euphoria. Several people around me had sunk so low in their seats that their kneecaps brushed the theater floor. If you had stuck up a piece of old chewing gum next to the screen I would have watched that instead.

Defiance is nondescript, featureless movie fodder, made to be bland and digested anyway. You won't smile during the film and your tear ducts aren't going to clot with blood because of the horrors you see. After the movie you just don't feel that bad for them anymore.

If this movie is anything like the real story then the Russian Jews probably contracted typhus just so that they had something to do. I think they needed a change from shooting the occasional German and watching the forest leaves grow. Hell, the audience endured more than they did. We had to peel our eyelids back and pray for the end. All they had to do was look hungry. If you're expecting to get blown away by this movie, better take a small tube of c4 plastic explosive because that's the only way it's going to happen. 

 

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Defiance

depplover's picture

Greetings Mr. Cranky.

First, let me say I think you are brilliant (seriously). I love your movie reviews and respect your opinion.

Please let me advise you that there are many of us Jews with blonde hair and blue eyes. My mother and sister and two of my grandchildren are blond blue-eyed Jews. My cousins on my mother's side have blonde hair, some have red hair. Jews have intermarried with people of every country in which they have lived......that's how you get black Jews, Chinese Jews, Indian (India) Jews, aboriginal Jews, etc. etc. I've even seen paintings of Jesus (Jew) with blond hair and blue eyes!

The stereotypical image of the dark haired, sallow complexioned Jew with the large brown soulful eyes is so anachronistic!

I agreed with the rest of your review regarding this movie (Defiance), and have very much enjoyed your reviews. They are usually hilarious but dead on!

Depplover

What about Jakob the Liar?

FearlessFreep's picture

 Robin Williams couldn't make that one into a hit.

Factual Error

Coaster's picture

carla wrote:

If you're expecting to get blown away by this movie, better take a small tube of c4 plastic explosive...

C4 doesn't come in tubes.  It comes in cakes or loosely packed powder.   

Truth be told, I'm glad you didn't know this. 

Now you've got me worried YOU know that!

Rajah's picture

Hmmm, he is a member of  radical humanist and atheist organizations

Well, actually,

RidingFool's picture

Aryan Jew...

Wulfgar's picture


...sounds like a cool Punk or Metal band name.

 

 

 

~No, my young padawan; this one is mine.~

 

I wonder if H'wood and Israel conspired...

michael3b's picture

...to attack at around the same time.

I have never before read one

Anonymous's picture

I have never before read one of your reviews..and never will again. You are a complete and utter asshole.

Aryan Jew...

Anonymous Coward's picture

I seem to have some vague recollection of Rutger Hauer playing a Jew in some old TV movie...

Parents have hosted Jewish exchange students from all over

Coaster's picture

We had one Jewish exchange student from Mexico.  He had blond hair and blue eyes.  He spoke five languages fluently.  In many ways, he was just your typical Aryan looking Mexican multilingual Jew. 

My totally Jewish sister-in-law has blond hair and blue eyes. My mother-in-law did spend a lot of time in Mexico.... Hmmmmmmm.........

Isn't it more a religion than a race?

Rajah's picture

eh?

ESCAPE FROM SOBIBOR?

FearlessFreep's picture

Alan Arkin was in it too.

 

DNA tests can determine Jewish ancestry

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

The original Jews lived in the near East, as we know from the Bible.  A few of them emigrated to Europe hundreds of years ago.  Supposedly all European Jews are descended from only 4 females from that group that migrated to Europe.

{;-) Dan in Cincinnati

Don't they come from eggs?

Rajah's picture

I heard that somewhere

Yup Dan, they even found black jews in the desert...

TMundo's picture

...a tribe living by themselves in africa performing sacrifices in accordance with mosaic law/God.  Wonder if it was the lost tribe(s)  DNA confirmed it.

The Lost Ark is suppose to be in Ethiopia

Rajah's picture

God's original boom box

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