Die Hard

Bomb Rating: 

The penis is indeed king.

Everything that was wrong in America in the late '80s is addressed in this film through metaphors that cause even illiterate teenagers to yawn.

For starters, 1988 was the height of the American paranoia about the possibility of the Japanese acquiring all our businesses and then forcing us to eat rice during inappropriate occasions like breakfast. No small coincidence, then, that the action takes place in the unfinished Nakatomi Plaza, as if director John McTiernan were warning us that the takeover is almost complete. And look what that takeover is spawning: nasty Aryans. Hans (Alan Rickman), Karl (Alexander Godunov) and all their friends have come on the scene to do us harm too.

So here comes NYPD officer John McClane (Bruce Willis) to visit his Los Angeles wife, Holly (Bonnie Bedelia). Why are they separated? Damn if Holly hasn't been building a career for herself that forced a move to the city of angels. She's quite the bitch, unabashedly landing a real job, using her maiden name and screwing up the cohesion of the nuclear family. I'd say John needs to prove he's a man, win her back and establish that the penis is indeed king.

All this is complemented by more walking clich├ęs than an Alan Smithee film festival: the desk cop (Reginald Veljohnson) who shot a kid, the Deputy Chief of Police (Paul Gleason) and every other person of authority who can't do a damn thing right, and, of course, the security guard who looks like Huey Lewis. Man, if you ask me, there's nothing like featuring a Huey Lewis look-alike to exploit our fears about the disintegration of '80s American culture.

To spread the word about this Die Hard review on Twitter.

To get instant updates of Mr. Cranky reviews, subscribe to our RSS feed.
1 Comment

Like This Die Hard Review? Vote it Up.

1

Rate This Movie:

Average: 4.8 (11 votes)

Other Cranky Content You Might Enjoy

  • The more sequels Hollywood makes, the more we regret that the original movie was ever produced in the first place.

  • This is one of those stupid movies that's not actually a movie, but a series of different stories around a central theme.

  • How sad: By the time director Nicholas ("The Madness of King George")Hytner discovers a real story, he's relegated to featuring two of his main characters, John Proctor (Daniel Day-Lewis) and his wife

Awful review. Shallow

Anonymous's picture

Awful review. Shallow arguments, no real criticising.
Die Hard *invented* the cliches!! They were established on account of this movie.

I'll be damned if I ever see a Mr Cranky review that actually gives thorough and proper justification for the rating.

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.