Disturbing Behavior

Bomb Rating: 

Like one hopes there might be a God, one also hopes that among the millions of freakish teenage boys who forgo school, food and sleep to masturbate hourly in their dank rooms wallpapered with Katie Holmes posters, there is one -- just one -- who will be able to recognize the utter lack of ingenuity involved in "Disturbing Behavior."

For those of us who tenuously claim to be adults, it seems asthough those who claim to be teenagers ought to be rioting in the streets over the sort of insulting offal Hollywood serves up as "juvenile entertainment." The fact that the young paraded like Shriners to unimaginative swill like "I Know What You Did Last Summer" actually suggests that the intellect of the Hollywood executive and the pimply-faced, Nintendo-playing 13-year-old might be in alarming symbiosis.

But like one hopes there might be a God, one also hopes that among the millions of freakish teenage boys who forgo school, food and sleep to masturbate hourly in their dank rooms wallpapered with Katie Holmes posters, there is one -- just one -- who will be able to recognize the utter lack of ingenuity involved in "Disturbing Behavior."

It's supposed to be a horror/thriller, yet it couldn't be more boring if it were made by brainless Mormons (is that redundant?). At the helm is David Nutter, who proves once again that directing "X-Files" episodes qualifies you for little more than directing, uh, other "X-Files" episodes. His premise is that in the town of Cradle Bay, the good students excel because Dr. Caldicott (Bruce Greenwood) has convinced their parents that putting computer chips in their heads is a good thing. Naturally, a few students (James Marsden, Nick Stahl and Katie Holmes) realize that something has gone terribly wrong. The horrible truth they discover: a synthesis of bad acting and a sinking realization that their agents have screwed them but good.

I think the primary point of the film is to make sure everybody knows that young Katie is developing well. The filmmakers put her in dark make-up and tight clothing and toss in that one scene where she's sitting around and her nipples are so erect they look like they're going to leap from her body and declare their sovereignty. As a title, "Disturbing Behavior" is less relevant to the people in the movie than the people who were stupid enough to make it.

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