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To be perfectly honest, I would not recommend using pills as a solution. I have attempted suicide three times doing so. Then again, I suppose it depends what you take of course. I stocked up on pseudoephedrine(crystal meth), and sudafed, and other things I could find in my house---ended up swallowing somewhere around 70 pills. And voilą...to no prevail. Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll have tried so many times by summer that I'll die of liver failure...Furthermore, to those of you out there who think suicide is stupid, that life is worth living...bull shit...speak for yourself...you don't know crap about what I and many others endure, just to satisfy your selfish desires for our presence. I have Major Depression, and some of you people who mistake it for "sadness" are complete and utter idiots. It is so FAR BEYOND anything describable---it is anger, sadness, guilt, self hatred--- everything, and it DOES NOT go away, not for me. The pain has only fed off itself, episode after episode after episode, and has become unbearable. Death will be my salvation. People say "no, don't kill yourself, we love you." WE. WE. That's really what it's all about, you selfish bastards, you. YOU want me to live. I make YOU happy. And what about me huh? I am in such irreversible pain, and all you can think about is yourself. I don't care about your wants any longer. Indeed I love you. I'm not doing this for revenge, I'm not doing this to hurt you. I will do this to save myself, myself that is already dying slowly and painfully on this inside. Call me weak if you wish, I've felt this way about myself constantly. Just know, (even though your healthy minds can't fathom this) that what so suddenly decided to feast upon me years ago was indeed stronger than I. Strong as the gravity that keeps my unaided body on this planet---no, stronger even. So strong, that (instead of keeping me merely stable yet able to move) it has weighed me down continuously, drilling me in to the earth just until I'm more than waist deep---mired. Yet here, I can still see the world, how wonderful it is, how magnificent, but I myself cannot live it properly; I am stuck. I can see happiness---but cannot move to reach it, despite my greatest efforts. Other attempt to dig me out--- -but their tools are useless. I shall only grow old here, mired in utter sorrow and guilt, unless I finally decide to succumb to the force that has dragged me deeper...and deeper...for all these years...
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