Bomb Rating: 

Contains spoilers? Oh, mais oui!

I can't believe that this film would make any reasonably sane person think, "How inspiring! Our loved ones can speak to us from the afterlife and change our lives for the better." I watch it and think, "If God's mission is to provide proof of heaven through torturous Kevin Costner movies, then He has less intelligence than the neighbor kid who keeps eating the mysterious brown nuggets in the grass."

In a nutshell, Dr. Joe Darrow's (Kevin Costner) pregnant doctor wife is killed in Venezuela in a bus accident. Naturally, they're the perfect couple (which we discover through nauseating flashbacks) and when wifey-poo goes smoosh-smoosh, Joe is devastated. However, soon after her death, Joe starts getting mysterious signs from the afterlife in the form of dragonfly symbols. Dying kids in the hospital ward where she worked see her in their near-death experiences and start doodling what looks like a crucifix on acid. Eventually, Joe gets the message that he's supposed to go to Venezuela, though he doesn't know what for. Empanadas, maybe.

It's no surprise to find director Tom Shadyac at the helm of this dogma-stained fiasco, given that "Patch Adams" was one of the most manipulative pieces of goat crap in recent cinematic memory. One of Shadyac's favorite plot toys is a parrot, introduced with all the subtlety of wrench to the forehead as "that bird the wife trained to speak when she walked in the door." I'm sure you will all nearly faint from shock when Dr. Joe is asleep and the bird starts talking as though his wife just walked in the door.

My question is this: If Joe's wife loves him so damn much, how come she torments him from the afterlife? I mean, wouldn't it be more considerate to back off and allow him to convalesce utilizing a rigorous program of tequila and "Girls Gone Wild" videos? Are we so doped up in the afterlife that we can only appear in the dreams of cancer-ridden children and send "messages" in the form of cryptic symbols? Here's an idea: Why not appear in Joe's dream and say, "Hey Joe, come down to Venezuela and recover our child, who's alive with a bunch of really freaky backwards tribal people. Here's the phone number of a bush pilot that can get you where you need to go."

It seems to me that Dr. Joe's dead wife is going to an awful lot of trouble to bust his balls from beyond the grave. This, I believe, is what is colloquially referred to as a "Psycho Bitch."

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