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And as it turns out, she does wear something that kinda resembles a bikini top in a scene I originally missed -- but Bickle is quite right, so it didn't matter!
****
0/10
After I walked out of "From Justin to Kelly," a guy asks me if this "American Idol"-inspired spring break musical was good. I responded, "Yes, it's good -- good in the sense that the concentration camps were good to the Jews." Indeed the friend who saw the first thirty minutes with me (God bless his soul) said to me during the opening credits, "This looks like the beginning of a bad 80s teen beach movie." I told him, "That's where you're wrong -- this is the beginning of a bad 2000s teen beach movie."
And bad it is. Actually, referring to it as "bad" is a horrible insult to the word "bad." "Ponderously and woefully awful" is a more accurate description. When the career highlight of the best actor in the movie is the painfully lame MTV series "Undressed," you know you're in for ninety minutes of sheer, unyielding and continuously perverse torture. Somehow "From Justin to Kelly" even manages to completely ruin a whipped cream bikini contest scene! Now that's just SICK!
Kelly is, of course, Kelly Clarkson, the winner of the first "American Idol" from summer 2002, and Justin is Justin Guarini, the first runner-up of the same series. (I actually can't wait to see the romantic comedy this year's winner and runner-up, both males, produce for us.) Although I have no interest in her music whatsoever, I will admit Ms. Clarkson has a powerful voice, up there with Mariah, Whitney and Christina. But that doesn't mean this Texas hick can act between this flick's pathetic musical numbers. ("Chicago" this is not.) Her low point (among many low points) was appearing to smile constantly during her big teary-eyed moment. The best line ever about frizzy-haired Justin actually came in this movie when one of the other characters referred to him as "Sideshow Bob."
Kelly and Justin play Kelly and Justin (they needed whatever help they could get to remember their characters' names, I suppose), a couple of crazy college kids who meet in South Beach Miami during spring break. First of all, ignoring this year's MTV factor, who the heck still goes to Miami for spring break? Anyway, Justin falls for Kelly, but Kelly's supposed best friend (Katherine Bailess) keeps sabotaging the couple's attempts at starting a relationship because she wants Justin for herself -- only God knows why. There's a couple of moronic or sappy subplots involving Justin's and Kelly's other friends (including the character played by Greff Siff, the "Undressed" star), and that's about it. There's nothing left to say.
Originally I was going to skip "From Justin to Kelly" (which wasn't screened for critics) but then I realized I was almost halfway through the year and hadn't issued a zero yet (after tossing out a half dozen of the critters last year), so I sacrificed myself for the sake of my Worst Ten List. Am I crazy or what?
[that last part explains everything to Homeskillet]
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