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*PRE-TITLE B.S.*
STUDIO LOGO THINGY
(the Retard in the Theater appears inside a design similar to that of the MGM lion)
RETARD: "FIIIIIISH!!! Fish? (pause) FIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(The logo fades out and we fade in on a tile card with the Opening Profound Quote.)
OPENING PROFOUND QUOTE: "Now he's trapped in a story *I* wrote! A horrible world of plot holes and spelling errors!" - Fry on "Futurama"
(Somebody offscreen hurls a brick through this Title Card, revealing a Strange and Mysterious scene behind it.)
INT-"THE SIXTH DAY" FORUM: CONQUEROR'S EVIL GENETIC ENJINEERING LAB OF DARKNESS
(Conqueror [or ConquerEr, or whatever] has just let a little baby clone out of it's cage. He's telling the clone what Evil Plan it has been created for.)
CONQ.: (points out the window) "Somewhere out there, there's a person who looks like an adult version of yourself. I want you to kill him! That will somehow enable me to take over the world. Or something."
S1ATER (I guess it's pronounced "S'won'ate-her"): "Why?"
CONQ.: (shrugs) "Eh, it's something to do. Now, go kill Slater!"
S1ATER: (sucks thumb pensively) "Bu' en't I cwoned fwom him?"
CONQ.: "Well, yes."
S1ATER: "So he's kinda my daddy?"
CONQ.: "Yeah, sure."
S1ATER: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I canet kiww my daddy! I havint even gotz an obwigatowwy Owedipaw Confwict wit him yet! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
SCARY AS-YET-UNIDENTIFIED VOICE: "You do realize clones are inferior."
CONQ.: "Excuse me?"
(A strange creature with bright pink hair and a jewel wedged into her navel steps into the light. It's Geodesy, who, for some reason, is an Evil Troll Queen in this scenario. Which is weird cause the few times I've ever seen her post here she seems pretty cool. But I'm about to fuck up the continuity of the two fics I'm combining badly enough as it is. So, anyhow, Geo is a Bad Troll.)
GEO: "Robots, Conqueror. Robots are the wave of the future. (She steps off to the side revealing the Evil Crankinator 5-Zillion) Watch this. Robot! Go kill a bunch of people violently!"
ROBOT: "VVVVVVVRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! (It races at top speed to the first exit it sees. The window.) KILL! KILL! KILL! (Robot goes flying out the window and into the mutant-infested moat surrounding the Evil Lab) KILL! KILL!... AH, SHIT. (Gets it's ass kicked by the failed experiments in the water.)
(Geodesy is a little disappointed by this.)
GEO: "Umm... Hmm. Damn."
(Conqueror, showing typical tact, is standing there laughing his ass off.)
CONQ.: "Haw haw haw!!! You stupid little troll! Maybe my clones aren't as efficient BUT, being living creatures, they STILL have the Self-Preservation Instinct!"
(Geo looks down at little S1ater.)
S1ATER: "Hiya!"
(Geo rolls her creepy glass eyes, then makes a scary-ass face at the clone.)
GEO: "RAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
S1ATER: "AIIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!! (Runs full-tilt to the nearest exit. The window.) AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Oh, shit. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"
MUTANTS IN THE MOAT: "Awright! Dessert!"
CONQ.: "Dammit! Clones suck!"
GEO: "So do robots!"
(There is the briefest pause as they muse over this. And then something a little disturbing happens. The way they regard each other... *changes*... And is it me or does anyone else hear INXS' "Never Tear Us Apart" starting up?)
GEO: (LOOKS at Conqueror) "Hmmm..."
(Lightning flashes and the Ghost of Michael Hutchence materializes.)
HUTCHENCE: "I. I was standin'..."
CONQ.: (LOOKS at Geodesy) "Hmmmm..."
HUTCHENCE: "You were there."
(Finally, Geo and Conqueror hit upon the Concept That Sets the Plot in Motion!)
GEODESY AND CONQUEROR: "What would happen if we worked together to create an Evil Being who combines the advantages of both a clone AND a robot?!?"
HUTCHENCE: "Two worlds collided! An' they can NEVAH! EVAH! Tear us apart!" (He vanishes just in time to not have to be subjected to the following scene.)
(Conqueror and Geodesy approach each other over that Great Bass Line, pause, then start going at each other like sex- starved monkeys!)
THE AUDIENCE: (After puking) "Ohhh... So Conquee's been heterosexual all this time; it's just that he's a... well... a Formorian-phile. Eww."
(Thunder crashes! Lightning flares across the sky! The music blares as we pan away from the Evil Lab!)
GEO AND CONQ.: (Sealing their Unholy
Alliance!) "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHA(gasp, pant)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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