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*CHAPTER FIVE: "In which one of the Secrets of the Sword is Explored."
INT: "THE LEGEND OF DRUNKEN MASTER" FORUM, HIDDEN TEMPLE IN THE FOREST
(It's hard to boss people around and get any joy out of it if some of the people you have been bossing around were either just recently eaten by squirrels or kidnapped by aliens.)
WRECK: *groan*
OTHER C'DESTINED: "Shhhhh!!!"
(A long time ago, after eating some bad pork rinds and running out into the jungle like a maniac, the Junkyard Dog accidentally ran into a hidden temple. After wandering inside, he recovered almost instantly. Thus, the legend of the Hidden Temple of [wait for it] Lee Rec-Ho was born, and ever since the Crankydestined have adopted it as their own official rehab… uh, I mean, Mystic Place in which to Commune with the Ancient Spirits of Crankyland. Yeah, that's it.
Anyhow, as you know, dear readers, our heroes have had one hell of a bad day. And to top it all off, they're having a hard time relaxing and meditating in here. The first Crankydestined to notice what the problem might be is a small Crankimon vaguely reminiscent of a water monitor in her long neck, skinny torso, and big sculling tail. She's jade green with scales like a carp and wings, and her rather feline cerulean eyes are fixated on an empty shelf on the opposite wall of the temple. She's a fine example of Lesser Spangled Peist, _Nanodracae idioticus_, and she's just hit on something…)
NESS: "Where's th…"
WULF: "Shh!"
NESS: "But isn't ther…"
WHACK: "Shh!"
NESS: "Wait, I'm in this fanfic?"
JACKAL: "Shh!"
NESS: (has had it) "BUT WHERE THE HELL IS THE SWORD THAT USED TO BE ON THAT SHELF?!?"
ALL: "SSSHHHHH…. (they notice the sword is gone) Shh!"
(Indeed, there used to be a very beautiful sword with a green blade sitting on one of the shelves in the temple. They never really noticed it before as the shelves are full of mysterious artifacts, but now all they can notice is the off-putting sword-shaped non-dusty area on the largest and most ornate shelf.)
WULF: "Some idiot has stolen the ancient magical sword and upset the mystical balance of the great temple!"
JACKAL: "Nah, forget that. What's worse is that the fucker ruined the atmosphere!"
(Now the Lord High Justice is ruminating over this new problem while idly fanning a packet labeled "Contents of [scratched out word] Space Wasp's Stomach".
Uh, sir…)
WRECK: "Eh?"
(Hate to interrupt here but, "Space Wasps"?)
WRECK: "'Eaten by Space Wasps' looks better in the obituaries than 'Eaten by squirrels'."
(Can't argue with that.)
WRECK: "Now we have to think here. We didn't build this temple, we kind of ran into it; so we don't really own anything in it. What if whoever built this temple just came to get his stuff back? But then again, you'd think he'd leave some kind of notification… but maybe he thinks this place is still abandoned? And what if it really was a thief? If it's not, technically, OUR sword, do we have any business going after it?"
(The Mad-Ness Monster, blanching, raises a forepaw.)
WRECK: "Yes?"
NESS: "I think we might have switched brains!"
WHACK: (sullen) "Yeah, fuck it."
JACKAL: "RRRRGH SLUT!"
WULF: <G!!!>
(Everybody just looks around, very scared. But, yeah, that is very like my reasoning process in real life. Damn my rising Libra!)
WRECK: (Looks confused) "Well, anyhow, before we do anything crazy, let's see what we can find in reference to that sword in the Library of Justice. Everybody remember what it looks like?"
EVERYBODY: "Yup!"
(If I can remember old Bottomsies threads, then everybody else has to be able to remember what a fucking magic sword looks like!)
WRECK: "Alright, and let's not try to think of those aliens sticking Ken's brain in a jar or something."
MR. MUCUS: (from inside a jar on another shelf of Mystical Items) "Ack! Join the club!"
(Exeunt omnes.)
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