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*CHAPTER TWO: "In which the Forces of Evil are Revealed! (And you get to watch as a Bostonian tries to type what a Louisiana accent sounds like.)"*
INT-“LOST SOULS” FORUM, AN INNER CIRCLE OF CRANKYLAND HELL!
XMAN: “RRR!!!! SHEEP! SLUTS! LIBERALS! OOP EEEK!!!
EVIL VOICE: “Sah-lance, foolish mortals! Y’all are in MAH domain now!”
(Grundle and X-Man have been dragged down into the deepest, scariest part of Hell by the Evil Squirrels. It turns out that squirrels are really bad little demons. Who knew?
The owner of that Evil Voice we just heard comes slithering out from behind some molten rocks. It is Satan, the Bringer of Chaos, the most terrifying being ever. She is currently clad in her Evil “Barbarella”-ripping –off blood red catsuit. She slinks towards the captive Brigadiers slavering.)
SATAN: “Now is the time to make you awful little beasties into my Evil Minions! Y’all will enslave everyone for my entertainment! Mwahahahaha!!!”
(Grundle freezes, an inscrutable expression on his face…)
GRUNDLE: “I think… I think I just, wait… Yes! Yes, there it was. I just had an Emotional Reaction to Something. You can’t do this.”
SATAN: (tossing her pretty blond curls) "Ha ha ha ha! You stupid mortals will *never* learn! Y'all can't stop ME!"
(Suddenly Grundle hisses, grabs X-Man, ducks over him, and...)
SATAN: "Agh! Barf me out the door!"
(...puts his, err, Overachieving Sebaceous Glands [puss] to work forming a protective cocoon around the both of them. Satan is enthralled.)
SATAN: (addressing what appears to be one of those groady pupa things out of "Species") "Y'all are the most revoltin' critters *I* have eva done seen. (Adjusts her little pink pom-pom hair things) Y'all are *perrr-fecct*! BWAHAHAHAHA! (she now sounds like nothing so much as Elmer Fudd demonstrating his magic helmet in 'What's Opera, Doc?') Come my min-ions! We need to en-slave them!!!"
(She and the Evil Squirrels set up their Evil Cerebro-Trans- Reversal Device, placing the Barney items in the Source Fluxcage and aiming the laser at Grundle and X-Man...)
SATAN: "Turn the damn thing on!!! Mwahahahaha!!!"
(...and the laser courses through the cocoon! Electricity crackles over it's surface. It pulsates, heaves, and *changes*. By the end it has grown tenfold in size. Satan and her minions watch, with some apprehension, as the mutated cocoon sits there and steams. And then...)
WHATEVER HIDEOUS GOD-MOCKING THING IS INSIDE THAT COCCOON: (It's awful hand breaks through the shell! It's a downy greenish paw armed with two terrible butter-knife sharp talons. It claws the air viciously, as it's owner howls in protest at being created!) "Eeerrrnnnnggghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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