Post a response to this discussion thread
*CHAPTER SEVEN: “And the Ragged Tiger”*
EXT: “WARRIORS OF VIRTUE” FORUM – BRIGADIER H.Q.
(We focus in at a corner of the building. There is a window looking out at the woods in the background and a hill in the far background. There’s a big, scary, Gothic- looking mansion at the top of the hill. It is dark and foreboding, but in a second, it springs to life with the sounds of loud death-metal music, screaming evil creatures, chips, dips, chains, whips, and a couple dozen Crankizens running around in their underwear. Yes, this can only mean that the Crankyland Halloween Bash has begun.
Now, since the Crankydestined organized the Bash this year, all of the Cranky Brigadiers have refused to go. One of them, however, is in total denial of that fact.
A rope ladder clatters out of the window.
The ladder is followed out the window by a duffel bag, an Official Brigadier Bat-Utility Belt, and a female figure. She swings onto the ladder and lands lightly on the ground, gathers her stuff, unhooks the ladder from her window with a whiplash motion, and races off into the woods.
We follow her through the dark forest, illuminated only by the little headlamp from her belt. So far she’s making good progress to the party. She starts getting a little overconfident; gets the sense that it’s second nature for her to be out here, alone, in the dark.
That’s when she sees the eyes glowing out at her.)
PSEU: “Oh, shit.”
(Pseudonym is now face-to-face with a massive saber-toothed tiger. In the deepest part of the forest. All alone. In the dark.)
WHISPERS PAW: “Meow? Somebody forgot to change my damn litter box! SOMEBODY must PAY!!!”
PSEU: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
EXT: “THAT DARN CAT” FORUM (there IS one, isn’t there?) – ROCKY PLACE AT THE EDGE OF THE WOODS
(Whispers chases Pseudonym all over the forest.)
PSEU: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
WHISP: “I WANT MY TWO DOLLARS!!!!! Meow?”
(Pseu finally has just enough time to hide in a cave that is just big enough for her to fit in. Whispers stalks around the entrance royally pissed.)
WHISP: “Hey, look, I’m not really gonna KILL ya, I’m just gonna maul ya! Now aren’t ya gonna come on out?”
PSEU: “Ha ha ha, yeah right.”
DIRECTOR: “Wait, this scene isn’t pointless! Watch!”
(Suddenly, Whispers Paw is frightened off by something Pseudonym can only see in shadow through the entrance of the cave.)
WHISP: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Meow?”
PSEU: “Well, thank goodness.”
(And then she sees that the shadowy thing is a gigantic demonic monster.)
NYARLATHOTEP: “NyaaaaarLATH!!!!”
(And that’s when she passes out.)
INT: “WARRIORS OF VIRTUE” FORUM – BRIGADIER H.Q. MAIN HALL
RED: (hushed whisper) “Oh… my… God…”
(Redundancies is sitting in front of some kind of large Bat- Viewscreen type deal. Violet rushes over to see the broadcast he has intercepted.)
VI: “What is it?”
(Red turns dramatically for his Dramatic Close-Up!)
RED: (hyper-dramatic) “Somebody has taken their love of Cranky Fanfiction TOO FAR!!!”
(Cue the Dramatic Music!)
VI: “Great. Locate every Brigadier and call them to the main hall for an emergency meeting… (dramatic pause) Oh… my… God…”
(They are short one Brigadier.)
EXT: “THAT DARN CAT” FORUM – OUTSIDE CAVE
(The Nyarlathotep smells something alive inside the cave and begins digging at the entrance. Bad Gwendle is baffled by this behavior, but figures it isn’t as important as getting to the bottom of whatever is going on in Crankyland Hell. Suddenly, she’s distracted by a sound in the underbrush.)
GWEN: “Did any of you hear that?”
YIG: “YEEEEEIIIG!!!”
(A small demon hops out of the bushes.)
GWEN: “What’s THAT?”
(She flips open something that looks… like a Game Boy as a matter of fact. How about that?)
NECROMIDEX: (electronic voice) “Lucifer G. 61; the imp Crankimon. His fiery Bugger Attack will give your opponents bad hair days!”
GWEN: “All right, I’m gonna catch ‘im! (does that thing with her hat again) Necroniball, GO!!!”
LG61: “Oh, bugger.”
(He fries the Necroniball, or whatever, with a small fireball and gives Gwen a long, hard angry glare.)
LG61: “You have GOT to be kidding.”
GWEN: “Um, this is odd. I’ve never ran into any demons that could talk before. Hey, maybe you can tell me what’s going on in Cranky Hell. Obviously it brought you to the surface, too.”
LG61: (He shivers a bit, apprehensive) “I’d… rather… not… (whispers) It’s something you’d best to keep your nose out of, human. You don’t know what you’re dealing with. (out loud) Besides, your –uh- pet Lovecraftian nightmare just dug something up.”
AUDIENCE: “WHERE’S THE SEX AND VIOLENCE???!!!???”
DIRECTOR: “You know, I was wondering that myself.”
GWEN: “Woah, it’s Pseudonym of the Cranky Brigade! Hey, wake up!”
PSEU: “Unnnhhh? (wakes up to the sight of Gwen and a bunch of scary demons) AAAHHH!!!”
GWEN: (turns to Vorn the Unspeakable) “You *are* happy to have this effect on women, I hope?”
VORN: “Orrrrrr…”
PSEU: “What the Hell is going on here? Wait, you all aren’t headed to the Big-Ass Halloween Bash are you?”
(Gwen and the demons look at each other.)
GWEN: “Say, that isn’t such a bad idea!”
LG61: “We’re there.”
(Everybody heads off to the “House on Haunted Hill” Forum.)
INT: “WARRIOR OF VIRUTE” FORUM – BRIGADIER H.Q. MAIN HALL
(The Cranky Brigade, shot Pseudonym, assemble in the Main Hall. Redundancies paces in front of them looking a little like a general and more like he’s trés uncomfortable having to play team leader.)
RED: “We will search for her in two separate teams. The thousands of strange creatures, wild animals, and evil beings that usually swarm all over the place this time of year won’t notice us. Besides, Crankyland is small and we shouldn’t have any trouble finding each other in the trackless wilderness we will be searching in for some reason. (pause) And… I *guess* we might as well meet at that Halloween party being held by THAT OTHER Crankyland superhero team.”
(The Creep Freak Loser raises his hand.)
C.F.L.: “Okay, I can’t help but point out that we didn’t do anything like this when… uh… Whatsisname and The Other Guy got kidnapped. (pauses, thinks a bit) No… Okay nevermind.”
RED: “Everybody has got to use extreme caution. (dramatic pause) Somebody has taken their love of…”
EVERYBODY ELSE: (interrupting) “We know.”
MENDO: (thinks a minute) “Woah… damn, that’s a great premise for a fanfic!”
VI: “Yes it is.”
(She and every single other person in the cast so far turn to the audience.)
EVERYBODY: “It is just too bad that THIS isn’t going to BE that fan fiction.”
(The Brigadiers run off into the woods to search for the missing Pseudonym.)
DIRECTOR: “Ugh. That was the cheesiest chapter thus far. Well, it can only get better!”
AUDIENCE: “After all that, you owe us an orgy and a bloodbath!!!”
DIRECTOR: (evil, evil grin) “Hm……”
Post a response to this discussion thread