The Empire Strikes Back

Bomb Rating: 

As Luke (Mark Hamill) is getting hypothermia and losingconsciousness on some ice planet where the rebels have decided to hide another base, Obi-Wan Kenobi (Alec Guiness) materializes in front of him and tells him, "You will learn from Yoda, the Jedi Master who instructed me." Little do we know that this statement proves to have a frightening -- nay, horrifying -- translation. By now you undoubtedly know what it is. C'mon, yell it with me: "MUPPETS!"

Luke, with R2D2 in tow, travels to Yoda's planet to be instructed as a Jedi Knight while Han (Harrison Ford), Leia (Carrie Fisher), Chewbacca (who cares?) and C3PO run away from the Imperial fleet and eventually stop at a mining colony run by Han's old friend, Lando (Billy Dee Williams).

After some confusion, Luke realizes that the little green stuffed animal (which looks like Kermit and Miss Piggy after they've been melded together by the Enterprise transporter) is actually the great Jedi Master, Yoda. Yoda, best known for sending elementary school teachers into therapy with his atrocious grammar ("Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try."), teaches Luke the all-important Imperial-defeating trick of moving small rocks with his mind. Supposedly, when Luke attacks the fleet single-handedly, they will all run away once he shows them the floating rock trick.

When Luke gets a vision of Han and Leia suffering, he runs off before completing his training, at which point Obi-Wan tells him that "I cannot interfere if you face Darth Vader." This raises an unfortunate question about dead Jedi Knights. Are there some sort of rules to being a dead Jedi Knight? Apparently, guiding the destruction of the Death Star is okay, but helping Luke escape a light sword fight without having to be called "lefty" for the rest of his life is apparently off-limits.

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