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Discord: The girl says she misses you.
Gdog: Does she miss me, or does she miss-miss me?
Discord: She miss-misses you. She says you could fly to SLC and drive back with us.
Gdog: hahahahahaha
Discord: A'ite. Whatever you want. I'm just saying if you drove back with us by the time school started again you'd be so sick of me you wouldn't mind the days alone.
Gdog: What are you talking about? I'm sick of you already.
Discord: Oh yeah! Sometimes I forget. I have to write a pindaric ode.
Gdog: But you're not gay... or are you?
Discord: Not too much.
Gdog: Not too much gay. Just a little gay. Just enough so that I look good in pastels. I'm having lunch with ivan tomorrow.
Discord: You love to eat out. Ivan refuses to ever speak to me again because I wouldn't cry when he said he refuses to ever speak to me again.
Gdog: That's funny. He's my new favorite. I'm going to tell him that while he's giving me a handjob.
Discord: I think the real problem is when I called Ivan a backpacker, he thought I was serious, that carpetcleaner.
Gdog: I'll mention that to him while he's licking his shit off my dick.
Discord: You are obsessed with having gay Ivan sex, dude.
Gdog: I wouldn't say obsessed. At least not any more than I am about having gay sex with anybody.
Discord: I'd think you were gay if you weren't always beating off to my porno mags when you're over here. Speaking of which, Wargasm says you complain that I won't lend you any of that shit. Hell, take all you can stand.
Gdog: I don't recall ever saying anything of the sort. But it would be funnier if I did, so from now on I'll remember it that way.
Discord: Oh well. Wargy says a lot of things.
Gdog: Tell me about it. I spanked one of my roommates in chess yesterday.
Discord: You have roommates?
Gdog: 3 of them. One is chinese. A major in the Peoples Army.
Discord: So, tell the chinaman I said hong pow wing jong.
Gdog: oh and dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. asian american please...
Discord: Well, with all of us being caucasian and Wang's adopted son being Japanese, it wouldn't have been too hard to sniff out the chinaman. -- I say, Diamond, that's a pretty tacky thing to say. --Well, it's a tacky world.
Gdog: murder by quoting “murder by death” all the time
Discord: Right. I wrote an ode to stella. My class loved it. They said "Wheresaball?"
Gdog: Where is the ball?
Discord: I think it's been stolen. Like my faith in humanity.
Gdog: I stole your faith in humility. So what are you learnin' your students now?
Discord: How to play charades.
Gdog: Whateva... Do you make them give two minute speeches on drug legalization?
Discord: No. I teach them to play charades. Originally I was just gonna let them play, but they didnt' know how to do "Sounds like..."
Gdog: There you go thinkin' without words again. What do you hope they learn from this experience?
Discord: How to play charades. They'll need some skill to keep them busy at 4 in the morning running the Wendies drive thru.
Gdog: What's your big fat final test going to be like?
Discord: One of the questions is "describe how you would get someone to guess 'star wars' in a game of charades.
Gdog: I would say, "dude... best movie ever with a wookie in it."
Discord: Can't talk in charades. Besides, that would be Empire Strikes back.
Gdog: Yeah, I know x2. Sounds like school's a dud. So what happened? Did you give up on the little retards?
Discord: Yep. I picked about 10 of them I like, signed them up for debate and the rest of them can fuck off!
Gdog: What would Jesus do?
Discord: Choose the right.
Gdog: He would have partied with the lepers, 'cause those guys know how to have a good time.
Discord: No way. He cured lepers.
Gdog: Cured them of their hangovers.
Discord: I see you’re all over cranky’s.
Gdog: I thought you didn’t go there anymore.
Discord: I haven't been in 2 weeks. But I wanted to read American Beauty, since Skilly keeps saying I should see it, so I went and saw about 20 gdog posts. I hear everyone thinks I'm Notorious or Ender or something...
Gdog: Yeah, I was posting a lot this weekend. It was either do that or my homework. My favorite so far is the one where I say nobody thinks Mr. Cranky is funny.
Discord: I liked that one. I didn't read the responses, but I can imagine. Of course, you're doing exactly what you just explained is being done when people say "That movie is to funny!" You toy with the fragile minds of Crankylanders.
Gdog: Nobody gets me, though, I am unappriciated. Oh well. So you've been pretty scarce. What you been up to?
Discord: Up to my armpits in work. I've been so scarce. You need to start pretending to be me for me.
Gdog: whatta you mean? you want discord to make an appearance?
Discord: No. I want you to start answering my email.
Gdog: you get email?
Discord: Yep. Want my name and password?
Gdog: on yahoo? oooof... okay, whateva, but I can't guarentee quality.
Discord: Really? Damn, now explain to me why you're willing to respond to my email, but not write me a damn note once in a while? Bitch.
Gdog: I was only agreeing so I could see all the dirty email you've been exchanging with wargasm. I wasn't actually going to write anything. I made snickerdoodles the other day, 'cause nobody here will make them for me.
Discord: I've no idea what that means. Some kind of cookie. Coconut?
Gdog: cinamon sugar cookie.
Discord: Why not just call them cinnamon sugar cookies?
Gdog: Why not call a bear a large furry claw monster?
Discord: Because, moron, that's what we call saber-toothed tigers.
Gdog: no, those are large furry fang monsters
Discord: Monsters! We don't have enough monsters these days. That's all reserved for rapists, child molesters and hitler (all men, by the way)
Gdog: That's because in order to be evil, you must have the capacity for good, and that counts out women.
Discord: You're such a miss sawginist.
Gdog: If homophobes are actually closet gays, does that mean that misogynists are closet women?
Discord: Who is Ender?
Gdog: Who cares? I skip those posts anyway.
Discord: Me too! I only have time for the gdog posts. He's my favorite because if you don't read the other posts you get a lot of these from him: "That's hardly the point." Whatever that means.
Gdog: I’ve never said “that’s hardly the point.”
Discord: That's hardly the point. The point is that you say shit that can't stand on it's own.
Gdog: It all stands on it's own. Show me something that doesn't… Dumbass.
Discord: nice try, but I won three posts ago.
Gdog: “I'm used to reading 100 pages a day. Of course, most of that was porn.”
Discord: That's a pretty good line, because I can read twice that with one hand tied behind my back.
Gdog: One hand tied to your crack?
Discord: Did I say crack? Damn, talk about your Jungian slips. I've got to quit looking at this gay porn when we chat.
Gdog: mmmm, porn... hey that gives me an Idea.
Discord: Ha ha. You used the capital "I" which indicates that it's a doozy!
Gdog: I meant it to symbolize an errection, since that's what we mean when we say I. English is so phallic. Words are like semen. I'm ejaculating into your brain.
Discord: If words are phaylicc, what are vaginic?
Gdog: eyes, ears
Discord: Images. Words are masculine, pictures are feminine.
Gdog: howso?
Discord: Because they're soft.
Gdog: And have a crease in the middle.
Discord: zactly. I think the reason all bad things are masculine is because everything is masculine except the holes in our bodies.
Gdog: and plug sockets. and our nipples. and containers.
Discord: containers. But nipples are masculine. They stick out like the penis.
Gdog: and squirt milk like the penis
Discord: Yep. So, the cute red head makes me all silly around her. I'm always wanting to invite her to come home with me so that I can make her dinner. How stupid is that?
Gdog: pretty stupid. wait till I get there. I'll ask her over and we can have a four way.
Discord: Sweet! I've always wanted to have a four way with you. That way we could touch penises without being gay. We'd just find some chicks mouth or ass and ram them both in at the same time.
Gdog: and then... when you're distracted...
Discord: I don't get it.
Gdog: that's probably because what I said doesn't stand on it's own
Discord: Anyway, she's too smart for me. I'm used to women that I can push around.
Gdog: Cut her legs off.
Discord: Ha ha. You're much funnier after an enima.
Gdog: I am the shit. Speaking of “the”, I tried to explain the meaning of “the” to a chinese guy today.
Discord: ha ha. Articles. It might help him to understand if you introduce gender like in the easier language of german.
Gdog: I mentioned that. He said that there are a lot of useless things in english, like articles and tenses and shit, and I said, fuck you commie!
Discord: Hey, whens the next election. I wanna vote for Liddy Dole.
Gdog: You can't dude... she dropped out. Sorry. The people have spoken.
Discord: Stupid People. Don't they realize she was our only hope? How else am I gonna jerk off to a president?
Gdog: you could always vote for bill clinton again...
Discord: Red and green or green and red? Which way do you prefer to say it?
Gdog: I don't think I have a preference. I think red and green has a slightly better sound to it.
Discord: Okay. Me too. Up and down, or down and up?
Gdog: up and down…
Discord: Stop and go, or go and stop?
Gdog: stop and go
Discord: So the theory is that there is a grouping... Stop, up and red... on the other side go, down and green. Hence our traffic light design.
Gdog: “Go Down Green” is the title of my next novel.
Discord: Mine too. Anyway, I'm reading the Tao of Physics. As it turns out space and time are one.
Gdog: I had that book but I forgot to read it. I'd read like 6 physics books in a row and I was damned sick of science.
Discord: Me too. Except I haven't read 6 other books first. Anyway, I found out that if you could get rid of all the empty space in atoms you could condense a human body to the size of a pin head. A very heavy pin head.
Gdog: Well, 150 lbs in my case. I suppose that's heavy... for a pinhead.
Discord: Fatty. So, the girl keeps running around happy and shit when I remind her you're heading to Texas. What up with that?
Gdog: Ha. I have that effect on girls. What can I say?
Discord: Quick quiz. Who is Hal Jordan?
Gdog: Original green lantern.
Discord: Damn you're a nerd. Still, it's good to know I'm not alone.
Gdog: that is good to know
Discord: okay ask me one
Gdog: I don’t know any.
Discord: Oh please. So, what's the deal with Courtney Love being in the new Milos Foreman film?
Gdog: He wanted another look at her tits. “To judge from the notions expounded by theologians, we must conclude that God created most men simply with a view to crowding hell.” --Marquis de Sade
Discord: ha ha. He's pretty funny. So, some kid was mouthing off that he was hoping to go to Hell because that's where all the partiers would be. I pointed out that since it was hell, there would be lots of anal sex going on there, and he'd be the main present. Then everyone else in class laughed at him and called him gay for wanting to go to Hell.
Gdog: “they'll be loving you 'till the crack of doom.” When do you get your degree?
Discord: Supposedly I'll get my masters this summer and then it's straight to easy street.
Gdog: Not even I will be able to stop you then!
Discord: You know, with my brains and your good looks we're a sure thing!
Gdog: We'll be a smash hit on broadway!
Discord: Just you wait. So, I've been spreading the rumor that I have an IQ of 180 around school and people are believing me. Is 180 even possible?
Gdog: Sure, why not. It's just as likely as any other number. I think.
Discord: Cool. The funny thing is people are all intimidated by me now.
Gdog: You should start punching people in the stomaches.
Discord: If the internet is such a cesspool, how come I can't find any filth?
Gdog: you must have your rose colored glasses on.
Discord: I've got my pants on too. I'm doing this totally wrong!
Gdog: you're ass backwards!
Discord: I'll say. So I'm talking to Ivan who is telling me he doesn't even miss me. He's so dramatic all the time.
Gdog: ha ha. stroke his ego. tell him you had a wet dream and he was in it.
Discord: He's just about asking for that.
Gdog: I'm reading stuff about how we don't have to pay taxes! It's compelling!
Discord: You're a three trick pony.
Gdog: You stole that. A plague on both your houses.
Discord: I stole it? From whom?
Gdog: From me.
Discord: I doubt that. You're rarely quoteable.
Gdog: I'm trying to talk my roommates into sparring with me in the vollyball sand-pit. They don't wanna 'cause they think they'll look stupid. Duh.
Discord: I'd hate to look stupid. Then all those girls who refuse to fuck me really really won't fuck me.
Gdog: I wanna get a fight club started in our sandbox.
Discord: Fight club! I'm such a fan of reawakening our savage self! I've read Heart of Darkness!
Gdog: Yeah, whatever. Just don't kick me in the nuts, okay?
Discord: So, when you're a lawyer, are you gonna ask defendents if they are, in fact, liars?
Gdog: If I am defending them, yes, because I can't properly defend them if they're lying to me. And if I'm prosecuting them, yes, because I want to win.
Discord: Are you actually gonna work in a court room? That would be so ally mcbeal of you!
Gdog: would I get to wear those skirts? no, actually, I'm joining the cia... I'm gonna be james bond!
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