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I tried real hard to enjoy this movie. But I couldn't. There just isn't enough of a story here to keep me from enjoying every trip to the bathroom I had to take.
At the beginning, we see a masked cat burgler using high- tech equipment to go down twenty-five stories of a high skyscraper and steal a painting. Catherine Zeta-Jones plays an insurance agent who believes that it is Sean Connery who stole the painting. She goes on the trail after him. Her plan is to lure him with a Chinese mask worth fourty million, and then catch him in the act.
For a super thief, Connery does not cover his tracks very well. Jones finds him thirty seconds later after reaching London. Then she goes back to her hotel and finds her clothes missing. She sleeps naked giving Connery a chance to see some skin when he breaks into her hotel room. I took a poll at work. I asked a number of the ladies if they would sleep naked if on the track of a super thief and came back to the hotel to find their clothes missing. Only one said "Yes." All said that they would go out and buy new clothes. But instead, Jones forgets to cover herself up and shows Connery her chest in utter surprise.
It's not long afterwards, maybe five minutes at most, that he begins to trust her and takes her to his castle. He begins to train her. They get the mask. Then she gives him a bigger proposition. An eight billion dollar bank account that has to be done by 12:00 a.m. at the new millenium, which is only three days away.
It's stupid how fast this movie runs along. Jones and Connery know each other for only fifteen days. Yet they fall in love with each other. And somehow, Connery is able to plan without flaw, train Jones, and get the mask in just twelve days. And somehow, Connery is able to know every elevator shaft, air conditioner duct, security camera, and piece of electrical equipment of a skyscraper just by taking a tour, taking pictures, and studying blueprints for one night.
There's other problems too. Why trust Jones? He even hears a telephone conversation with her boss saying she's setting him up. Why didn't he just kill her then? And why continue to steal precious art if you've stolen millions worth anyways? What CAN'T you do with fourty million dollars? Why not start a construct a harem in your castle filled with young, horny, English babes and get round-the- clock blowjobs? For Connery, being a cat burgler is more of a hobby. A test for himself whether or not he can do it; even at his age.
Yet, this isn't the worst movie in the world. In fact, it's a one timer. It's disappointing. But there are far worse movies out there to see.
p.c.
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