Eve's Bayou

Bomb Rating: 

Growing up, as we all know,involves a maturation process where we all discover that dad is, metaphorically or not, screwing some neighbor-lady.

Seems to me about two things ever go on in the South: either a bunch of stupid teenagers get together to protest against the government for not allowing them to pray in school or somebody is performing some kind of voodoo on somebody else. Oh yeah, the other thing that goes on in the South is that somebody is always wiping their head with a handkerchief because it's hot as hell. I guess that's three now. Maybe somebody says the words: "mint julip." That's four. Four things and none of them are interesting in the least.

But first-time director Kasi Lemmons is going to go ahead and make another movie about the South, even though every issue that ever came up in that region of the U.S. was beat into the ground by William Faulkner. And he did it with a blood alcohol level high enough to require his own warning label.

This story is about another dysfunctional family and is told through the eyes of ten-year-old, Eve (Jurnee Smollett). Eve catches her father, Louis (Samuel L. Jackson) porking one of the local neighbor chicks and doesn't quite know what to make of it. As far as she knows, her father loves her mother (Lynn Whitfield), but growing up, as we all know, involves a maturation process where we all discover that dad is, metaphorically or not, screwing some neighbor-lady.

This allows us to understand the world for what it really is: a stinking hellhole of deception. I think this is the next big Hallmark greeting card.

To spread the word about this Eve's Bayou review on Twitter.

To get instant updates of Mr. Cranky reviews, subscribe to our RSS feed.
0 Comments

Like This Eve's Bayou Review? Vote it Up.

0

Rate This Movie:

Other Cranky Content You Might Enjoy

  • I hardly need another reason to avoid the South, but this film provides it nonetheless. Does anybody even bathe south of, say, Louisville?

  • Ten things I hate about this movie:

    1. That little Joseph-Gordon Levitt punk makes me want to projectile-vomit popcorn.
    2.

  • There's a reason I live north of the Mason-Dixon line, and that's because I don't want to live south of it.