Eyes Wide Shut

Bomb Rating: 

What we end up with is a two-and-a-half hour expedition into Tom's head. Two-and-a-half hours! For God's sake, that should be a two-and-a-half minute trip max, with an intermission for popcorn.

I thought this was some kind of sex farce and what do I get? Scenes of Nicole Kidman sitting on a toilet and excruciatingly long sequences of Tom Cruise looking pained about an affair he imagines his wife has had. I thought we were going to see Tom and Nicole going at it like dogs. I thought Tom was supposed to molest a goat in front a bunch of mask-wearing HMO executives. I thought Nicole was going to give Tom a "screamer," a "bessie" and a "hot carl" all in the same take. Alas, there's none of that.

What we end up with is a two-and-a-half hour expedition into Tom's head. Two-and-a-half hours! For God's sake, that should be a two-and-a-half minute trip max, with an intermission for popcorn. Unfortunately, Dr. Bill Harford (Cruise) is so clueless about his inner being that he's compelled to wander around New York looking for answers after his wife, Alice (Kidman), tells him that she's (gasp) desired other men.

I thought Stanley Kubrick was some sort of pioneer. All he does in this film is rip off Ken Russell and David Lynch. Let me point this out, because I doubt any other film reviewer will: The ending is virtually identical to the ending in "Crimes of Passion." It essentially makes the same point. Since when does Stanley Kubrick copy Ken Russell?

If you believe this film, the dark recesses of the male mind are filled with wild, impersonal orgies; a place where sex is uninhibited and there are no consequences. What was Kubrick when he died, 70? I'm thinking the sex life had taken a bit of a dive and this movie was an excuse for Stan to line up lots of naked models, film them, and withdraw into those dark recesses one last time before death.

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