02/15/01: F*ck/Off

Posted By: ClarenceBeaks


Admittedly, this movie is as awful as the Spankster makes it out to be. Unfortunately for us, the promise of exciting action sequences to make up for the enormous script holes never really materializes. Why, you ask? Because Travolta and Cage are not plausible action stars. I give Cage more points for trying that I give to Travolta. Cage can't help that he just doesn't move like Chow Yun Fat or Jackie Chan. Travolta, however, as we all know, is fairly coordinated; he just can't pull it off because he's an old lardass.

The best role in this movie is that of Castor Troy, the evil nemesis of Sean Archer, FBI stud. Cage gets to play Troy for the first 20 minutes of the film, and clearly has a good time doing it. It's perfect for him, as Cage excels at playing psychotic schizoids and/or inebriated drug addicts. However, once Cage and Travolta switch faces, Cage has to play straight man Archer (which is painful, because he's such a doofus and it's hard to take him seriously) and Travolta has to play the over-camped Castor Troy (which sucks, because he can't pull it off to save his life). Watching Travolta, who as several spare tires wrapped around his waist, prance around like a hippo on acid is a joke. The truth is Cage should have started out as the FBI agent and then turned into Castor Troy. And Travolta should have been fired on the second day of filming, after weighing in 50 pounds over the limit, and replaced with someone with far superior acting abilities, like Paul Rubens (aka PeeWee Herman).


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