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Hey Kids!
Apathy got you down? Do you mistrust Authority? Prozac's ineffective? Can't seem to shop your way to happiness? Has politics left you wondering whether to spit or swallow?
Has the global situation got you feeling useless? Powerless? Tired? Tense? Anxious? Bored? Amused? Sardonic? Depressed? Angry? Bitter? Confused? Scared? Cynical? Pissed off?
If you're experiencing any of these traits, you may be suffering from 'Officially Mandated Reality Deficiency Syndrome' (O.M.R.D.S.).
This very debilitating illness when left alone and untreated, can lead to a complete break from socially accepted and sanctioned reality. It's highly contagious, and is a proven threat to National Security. In advanced stages of this terrible disease, the sufferer exhibits strange, bizarre, and unpredictable behaviors.
Reported behaviors include hypnotic chanting of slogans, trance inducing beating of drums, youth delinquency, coercive leadership by communists, anarchists and women, nudity, and pagan earth/goddess worship. There is strong evidence that marijuana, electronic and rap music can significantly exacerbate these behaviors.
A mass outbreak occurred on Oct. 26th, where hundreds of thousands of people poured onto the streets of America in a state of frenzied mass hysteria. Pockets of this illness have sprung up in various cities around the country with San Francisco identified as a "Hot Zone," and it is known to be spreading at an alarming rate.
Ten steps you can take to protect yourself from this sinister epidemic:
1. Consume! Consume! Consume! It is your patriotic duty to keep America strong by buying as much stuff as you can. Companies are making it easier for us by creating a wide variety of disposable products to choose from. These items are affordable and within most people's budget, because they're made with cheap labor in the third world. So the savings are passed directly on to you! Remember, the Holidays are just around the corner!!!
2. Watch T.V.--at least three (3) hours a day. This will help you feel connected to the world and to stay an informed citizen. T.V. also will give you a strong sense of community. It allows you to bond with your family and peers in a group experience through the shared viewing of your favorite sitcom or drama. You'll be able to discuss those Nicks and Pistons, and the socio-economic implications of the "Osbourne's" around the water cooler.
3. Always obey authority. They know what's best for us. The world would be anarchy without rules and laws.
4. Stay within your social group. Do not interact with others that have different beliefs or backgrounds, Unless it is to show them the wrongs of their ways.
5. Don't take drugs! Drugs are a sure road to insanity, unless they have been approved by the FDA, in which case you SHOULD take the drugs prescribed by the pharmaceutical companies. Certain drugs like Zoloft, Paxil, Prozac, Ritalin, lithium, alcohol, caffeine, nicotine and processed sugar have been know to combat the effects of 'O.M.R.D.S.'
6. Place the stars and stripes of "Old Glory" in all public and private places.
7. Hold Christian values. Our country is based on the Bible. Any coin will remind us that "IN GOD WE TRUST." Not Allah. Not Buddha. Not Shiva. Not Gaia. Those are just veiled names for Satan.
8. Trust no-one (except authority--see #3), especially the youth and foreigners. This is a time of WAR.
9. Don't vote.
10. Bomb Iraq!!!
We have compiled a blacklist of dangerous groups hell-bent on infecting the entire world with 'Officially Mandated Reality Deficiency Syndrome':
http://www.globalexchange.org
http://www.unitedforpeace.org
http://www.nionbayarea.net
http://www.internationalanswer.org
http://www.commondreams.org
http://www.sf.indymedia.org
http://www.moveon.org
Thanks for being a TRUE PATRIOT!!!
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