Fat Albert

Bomb Rating: 

Why?

Why?

That's the only question I have: Why? I guess that's the question I have with every television show that Hollywood tries to turn into a film. That's the question everyone should have. To be honest, "Fat Albert" the cartoon was just starting to fade from my memory, which means that the reappearance of this thing in cinematic form is simply a reminder to me that I'm getting old. Thanks, Bill Cosby. Look, we all know you're old, but do you have to remind the rest of us?

Watching this film develop is like watching a moron try to solve the New York Times Crossword for a few seconds and then switch to the Word Find. You can sort of see the writers in their little brainstorm room trying to come up with an idea to make a live action "Fat Albert" plausible. We can see that little spark of creativity on the screen for just a second, kind of like we can still see the light from the Big Bang, but then we're treated to this gem: "Cartoons come out of the television."

There's our gimmick: Fat Albert (Kenan Thompson) and his friends come out of the television to help Doris (Kyla Pratt) make some friends because Doris is the granddaughter of the man upon whom Bill Cosby based Fat Albert. Brilliant, isn't it? It's just the kind of thing that hurts to watch and kind of drains the life from you, like pulling out a hair from a Big Mac you've just been munching on.

In an age where childhood obesity is a serious problem, it's nothing short of negligent to revive Fat Albert. It's liable to give fat kids the idea that they should aspire to have self-esteem. Normally, I might detail a bit more of the plot, but I'm going to pass this time. I already feel too much like a zombie.

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