Feeling Minnesota

Bomb Rating: 

Who the hell is Steven Baigelman and who got the swift idea to let him direct his own movie from a script he wrote that's about as interesting as reading mattress tags? The production notes foolishly reveal that this entire film was inspired by a single line of a Soundgarden song: "I just looked in the mirror, things aren't looking so good, I'm looking California and feeling Minnesota." Excuse me? That's not a signal to give someone money to make a feature film; that's a signal to call 911, because such utterances are usually followed by automatic weapons fire.

If this film is a realistic indication of feeling Minnesota then the experience must have something to do with swallowing gravel and licking sawdust. The script is so bad that it hurts to actually have to refer to it as "writing." When Jjaks (Keanu Reeves) shows up at his brother Sam's (Vincent D'Onofrio) wedding, it doesn't take him too long to fall in love with Sam's bride, Freddy (Cameron Diaz), and run off with her.

Baigelman's "plot" revolves around Sam and Jjaks playing "rock, paper, scissors," throwing things at each other, and fighting as a means to work out the depression of their pathetic lives and pathetic childhoods. Sam keeps walking into a bar where Courtney Love is the waitress, although her function in the movie is not so much "actress" as "ornament." Given Baigelman's inspiration for this film, he was probably standing on the set going "this is for you, Kurt!"

It's a really bad sign when people who you know love movies get up and leave the theater within the first ten minutes. "Feeling Minnesota" is one of those pathetic examples of GenX filmmaking that makes you wish somebody had beaten Quentin Tarantino to death with one of his "Video Picks O' the Week" before he got anywhere near a film camera. Instead of feeling Minnesota, Baigelman should have done everybody a favor by just feeling himself and ending his experiments in self-gratification right there.

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