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OK, as if the film wasn't bad enough. So I go to the movies with my best pal, only to have the entire experience RUINED by the deadly hosebeast and its mate. Now I love to hate the movies, and at a whisper, I usually crack jokes with my bud, starting off, of course, with the runners for the other horrible movies coming out. I want to make it absolutely clear that we were being nice, we didn't have to move over a seat each to let the hosebeast and her mate sit next to each other. Matter of fact, I asked my friend to PLEASE NOT MAKE ME! But NO! We're (way deep down inside) very nice polite people. Little did I fucking know torment these yuppie assholes would put us through. We were cracking jokes throughout the runners, and they fucking shushed us twice. I mean the film hadn't even started yet, if you love the commercials that much, you should watch TV at home. They shushed other people in the audience too, including some nice old ladies who couldn't understand the jive language in the film. Then, half an hour into it, The Evil Husband of the hosebeast started talking to her. You know what I did? I fucking shushed them back (and did percieve some giggles from nearby audience members). But, wait, there's more. The hosebeast started smcaking her goddamn chewing gum in my fucking ear throughout the film. She kept replacing it too, must've used a whole pack of the shit. But, wait, there's more. In addition to this annoying habit that I can forgive, she really fucking crossed the line when she started HUMMING ALONG TO THE MUSIC IN THE MOVIE! (while still smacking her gum). Not to mention her obvious sobs at the ending where Forrester (sniff, sniff) dies (waaah) of cancer (boo hoo) Keep in mind these are forty something young professionals, but I swear to God almighty that they should remove thier fucking popsicle sticks before entering my domain! At the end of the film I was so pissed, fuming with anger and rightousness, that I and my friend followed closely behind them on the way out of the theater, making loud and obvious statements as to the hosebeasts true nature, and I do beleive that the words "RENT the fucking film next time, assholes" were heard and understood by the party concerned. Only due to great restraint on my part, was blood not shed. I spent most of the movie envisioning ripping thier heads off and stomping on thier twitching bodies!
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