The Fog

Bomb Rating: 

By the end of the film, the knocks at the door are more evocative of the old "Saturday Night Live" land-shark skit than anything resembling horror.

Hey, nice fog.

Repeat it well and repeat it often because that's all you'll be saying during this pseudo-horror film by John Carpenter, who followed up "Halloween" with this sad excuse for a movie.

Essentially, the thick fog plays the role that Michael Myers plays in the "Halloween" films: chasing people around and then killing them. Actually, it's a little more involved than that. Inside the fog are evil pirates brandishing deadly hooks and swords. The ridiculous thing about them is that they always preface a killing spree with a polite knock at the door. Naturally, when everybody has hooks for hands, turning doorknobs is something of an adventure in itself.

Here's a good example of Carpenter's faculty for character development: Elizabeth Solley (Jamie Lee Curtis) shows up for no apparent reason, sleeps with some guy, then spends the rest of the film following him around (isn't it always that way fellas?). Then there's Stevie Wayne (Adrienne Barbeau), who, from her lighthouse radio station, directs innocents away from the fog. The only problem is the fog gets just about everybody anyway. Maybe the townsfolk should have run up to the station and beat Stevie senseless for her less than helpful evil-pirate traffic reports.

By the end of the film, the knocks at the door are more evocative of the old "Saturday Night Live" land-shark skit than anything resembling horror. Is it too much to ask that our fictional characters refuse to answer the killer fog's ostensibly neighborly inquiries? Few will open the door for Jehovah's witnesses and they never stuck a hook in anyone's eyeball.

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