Fools Rush In

Bomb Rating: 

I think it says something about Matthew Perry's viability as a romantic lead when groups of quadraplegic cub scouts sit around arguing about which one of them could kick his ass faster.

"Nod him to death," says one.

"Give me a slight downhill, someone holding him still, and I'll break twig-boy in half," says another.

Indeed, Perry is so thin and wimpy that it's just about impossible to believe that Salma Hayek doesn't leave him debilitated after their Vegas one-night stand, which leads to pregnancy, marriage and a host of cultural complications because Perry is upper-class white and Hayek is middle-class Mexican.

The only part of Perry that appears hurt is his feelings - a condition he solves with his acidic wit because, as you probably guessed, Perry is playing Chandler from "Friends." Watch Perry be slightly less sarcastic than Chandler. Watch Perry be slightly more sarcastic than Chandler. Watch Perry be slightly more sympathetic than Chandler. My friends, this is tour-de-force acting.

"Fools Rush In" regurgitates just about every romantic cliché. Need to create tension? It's always easy when your male lead can't tell the truth. If you can count the number of times the plot turns because some tangential character exposes one of Perry's lies, then you have more fingers than I do.

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