You really have to be some kind of pretentious ass to like this film, which explains why "Artforum" called it "One of the Year's 10 Best Films". I can only guess they were talking about the year 1783.

I'd love to talk about the stupid movie here, but really, just how crappy a movie must one make to get Artforum to talk about it? Can you imagine the kind of eyeframe-sporting, turtleneck-wearing freaks they have working at that place, looking for the next all-white, textured painting to coo over like ejaculating pigeons? Not surprisingly, "Gerry" is to film what all-white, textured paintings are to art. Nothing happens in either one. Wait, let me correct myself. Much less is happening in "Gerry" than in an all-white, textured painting.

Here's the story: two guys who call each other Gerry (Casey Affleck, Matt Damon) or who may actually be named Gerry, go for a hike and get lost. That's it. Okay, one significant thing happens when they get lost, but I don't really think that matters. I don't sit through 100 minutes of film for one thing. Actually, I'm going to tell you what happens: Gerry (Matt Damon) kills Gerry (Casey Affleck). If this action made any sense whatsoever, maybe it could have wedged an emotional reaction from the crack in my ass, but it didn't. It just happens. One minute they're talking. The next minute, they're choking one another. Had they managed to choke each other to death, I might have been happy.