Gigli

Bomb Rating: 

Welcome to Hollywood and the Anne Heche-ization of lesbianism. Not only is lesbianism a transitory sexual preference, to be waved around like a Chanel purse, but it's also a great marketing tool!

Director Martin ("Meet Joe Black") Brest's film is of the shameful "gawk at the handicapped" variety, in which a hired thug named Larry Gigli (rhymes with "squealy"), played by the painfully miscast Ben Affleck, kidnaps a potential Special Olympian named Brian (Justin Bartha) in hopes of extorting favors from a federal prosecutor.

Soon, the kid is having amusing Tourette's-style temper tantrums, revealing the movie's sick comedic raison d'etre. Matters worsen when another mob hire, Ricky (Jennifer Lopez), shows up at Larry's door and announces that she's been sent to assure his competence. Though initially outraged, Larry's attraction to her quickly evacuates enough blood from his head to allow him to endure the insult.

Naturally, this coincides with Ricky's announcement that she's gay. Never mind that casting Ben Affleck as a street tough and Jennifer Lopez as a lesbian stretches believability more than casting John Goodman as Peter Pan. Welcome to Hollywood and the Anne Heche-ization of lesbianism. Not only is lesbianism a transitory sexual preference, to be waved around like a Chanel purse, but it's also a great marketing tool! Lesson: All Ricky needs is a little Gigli and she'll be dropping her affinity for babes in favor of a life spent hugging Gigli and kissing Gigli and shaving Gigli's back hair.

The dialogue between Lopez and Affleck is made even more interminable by the increasingly annoying dancing monkey routine of poor Brian. Rest assured, the filmmakers realize that he shouldn't just be a source of hilarity, so they accompany Brian's scenes with lots of sympathetic music. Brian may be mentally deficient, but at least he has a brain. The filmmakers can't say as much.

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