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Friends is your draft horse going cross-eyed from pulling tree stumps in the south forty? Does he bankrupt you with excessive bills from the equine chiropractor?
Well fret no more cousin because we have the product for you! And that magic elixir is called "Granny's Old Fashioned Horse Liniment and Tree Stump Dissolver". Just one dollop, at full undiluted strength, will make the most stubborn oak tree stump disappear like distant relatives at harvest time.
At quarter strength it will soothe the muscles of the most stressed out stallion in the county. Your hay burner will never need an expensive Swedish masseuse again. So order today and get a free buggy-whip signed by yours truly Phileas A Pettifogger - the last surviving member of the American Whig Party.
Granny's Tonic: It doesn't taste like much, but it'll get you there.
Yours (I'm not dead yet),
Phileas A Pettifogger, Esquire, Attorney-Near-the-Law
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