Girls Gone Wild: The Movie

Bomb Rating: 

Apparently, if you're a guy, you can go to New Orleans or Panama City, spend twenty dollars on cheap beads, and every woman within a hundred miles will cast aside years of finishing school and take off all her clothing for you.

It just showed up in my mail, I swear! Seriously, I found this interesting for about five minutes and then I found it horribly depressing. This movie is actually a rather astounding sociological commentary. To wit, let's look at the screenplay:

NARRATOR (O.S.) Hey, I'll give you some beads if you show me your tits.

GIRL #1 (severe southern accent) Is that a camera?

NARRATOR (O.S.) Yes, it is. I have alligator beads! (dangles them)

GIRL #2 (flips up shirt; also southern accent) I want the fruit beads! (takes the fruit beads)

GIRL #1 (flips up shirt) Give me those alligator beads!

NARRATOR (O.S.) I'll give you any beads you want for a bush shot.

GIRL #2 Oh, hell no!

GIRL #1 No way! NARRATOR (O.S.) I'll give you two of them.

GIRL #2 (looks at friend) Any ones we want?

NARRATOR (O.S.) Yep. Any ones you want.

Both girls take of their pants.

Almost every girl on these tapes is from Georgia or New Orleans or some Southern area where it seems there is a very high likelihood they were born in a trailer, live in a trailer or have existed in a trailer for some period of time. How exactly did we come to the point in modern civilization where very young women have decided to sacrifice their personal dignity for cheap beads? Apparently, if you're a guy, you can go to New Orleans or Panama City, spend twenty dollars on cheap beads, and every woman within a hundred miles will cast aside years of finishing school and take off all her clothing for you. Not only that, but she will let you film it. Can you imagine women wandering around with a camera asking, "Can I give you some beads for a shot of your penis?" What a horrible comment on the state of female empowerment and male manipulation.

And it's the single most magnificent piece of footage I have ever seen.

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