Godzilla 2000

Bomb Rating: 

This movie presents me with something of a Joseph Heller moment. On one hand, I'm supposed to rip it apart for being terrible. On the other, a true Godzilla movie isn't supposed to be any good in the first place.

So, let me just say that four bombs represents a serious failure. It represents not only the failure to be good-bad, but to be bad-bad as well. The film could have achieved a certain amount of success in any rational person's eyes by going over the top in its horribleness, or by maintaining the level of mediocrity common to Godzilla pictures just long to let the guy in the rubber suit stomp the hell out of a shitload of model buildings.

Personally, all I wanted from "Godzilla 2000" was for Godzilla to stomp on a whole lot of Japanese people, Japanese cars, and Japanese buildings. Instead, the filmmakers have Godzilla disappear from the movie for an hour while the characters try to figure out what's up with a mysterious space ship that resembles a diaphragm lying in the back of a hot car. Of course, Godzilla ends up fighting the mysterious space ship and destroying it, but the wait for this to happen was so unbelievably tedious, I cut to the chase, pretended my popcorn was little Japanese people, and stomped the hell out of them.

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