Gone in 60 Seconds

Bomb Rating: 

Producer Jerry Bruckheimer makes a certain kind of film: a film for stupid people whose cinematic tastes can be summed up with the phrase "louder is better." His films are so colossally inane and make so little sense that it's like riding a partially-completed roller coaster. It's such a consistent formula, I'm not sure why it requires a director at all.

Memphis Raines (Nicolas Cage) is a car thief who has to steal 50 cars in 72 hours in order to keep his younger brother, Kip (Giovanni Ribisi), from being killed. It seems that Kip followed in his car-stealing brother's footsteps but messed up a job so bad that now he's going to be killed.

So, you get the gist. Memphis puts a team together and tries to elude the cop that's following him, Det. Castlebeck (Delroy Lindo). The crew includes Kip, Sway (Angelina Jolie), Otto (Robert Duvall), Sphinx (Vinnie Jones) and Astricky (Chi McBride). Each has a little quirk. Sway and Memphis used to screw. Sphinx doesn't talk. Astricky is clever. Otto is really old. In addition to being old, Duvall's performance is embarrassing. It's like he's still stuck in "The Apostle." Frankly, for how much dialogue he has, they could have just stuck a mannequin in his place and moved his mouth digitally. Ditto for Angelina Jolie. Oh, she's "edgy" again in case you were wondering.

I remember being in driver's education watching a video when I was 16. This film reminded me of that video -- you know the one where your car is going down the road happily and then every manner of vehicle that can back out into the street at the worst time does? The snowball of stupidity that seizes this film is pretty astounding. Aside from dialogue that sounds like it was lifted from a used car commercial, you can bet your house that the mute Sphinx will find a way to surprise everybody in the end and say something clever (I don't think you can get Actor's Guild accreditation without speaking). And Castlebeck, who seemed to be pursuing Memphis in a reasonably logical fashion, thus creating tension, spends the last half hour or so sitting in a van. Of course, as this is a Jerry Bruckheimer film, implausibility is pride.

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Other Cranky Content You Might Enjoy

  • I would really, really like Robert Duvall to limit his employment to acting.

  • If turnabout is fair play, the next thing that will happen to Jerry Bruckheimer is that a gang of fourteen-year-olds will sodomize him with a joystick. Seems only fair, doesn't it?

  • This is a film that should actually make audiences happy because it's produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, who's renowned for testosterone-laced epics that require about as much thought as idling in traffic

Yay! Miami is number 1! In road rage.

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

 (Reuters Life!) - For the third consecutive year Miami has been voted the worst American city for road rage, according to a new survey.

The sunny Florida metropolis topped the poll of 25 cities because its drivers were the least courteous and most likely to run red lights, speed, text and talk on cell phone while driving.

"The primary factor that we see year after year is that the Miami area is a combustible mix of two cultures on the road, and that is retirees out on a long leisurely drive, and young professionals on their way to work," said Todd Smith, of AutoVantage, a national auto club that commissioned the poll.


{;-) Dan in Miami

PS:  The Reuters article is too polite to say so, but there is a third even bigger reason for the insanity on South Florida roads.  The Hispanics here are from every latino country in the western hemisphere.  Each country has its own peculiar "rules of the road".  For an anglo like me, those rules seem more like no rules at all.






UF Professor fired for saying Latino women dress slutty

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

OK he probably did not use the word slutty.  And he has also been accused in the past of having improper contact with students.  That kind of thing should not be allowed.  

But I have a problem with him being fired for saying something politically incorrect that also happens to be true.  Anyone who has spent any evening in South Beach Florida will tell you that the Latino women there are dressed to kill.  Frankly I like that.  To object to stating the obvious is disengenuos at best and and dishonest at worst.  


From the Gainesville paper: 


[Professor] Taylor said Monday that he's filing a grievance to challenge his termination. He said he was making a point that cultural differences mean Latin American women are more provocative in their business dress than women in the U.S. He referred to the recent controversy involving a Mexican television reporter covering the New York Jets as supporting his point.


Preventing professors from speaking freely about such issues, he said, stifles academic freedom.




{;-) Dan in Miami



What's wrong with American colleges these days

RidingFool's picture

when a little touchy-feely in class or out of class gets you the dismissal letter? I thought they gave out jackets for that sort of thing.

A lot of white girls dress slutty too

FearlessFreep's picture

 Just sayin'.

That's the way

RidingFool's picture

I like my white girls.

Miami anglo girls are trying to keep up with the latinos

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

 There is one club district in Miami where you can see all kinds of sexy girls of all nationalities walking around in their 6 inch heels.  They all wear skirts so short you can't figure out how they can sit down without exposing themselves.  

I make sure to drive extremely slowly when traveling there on a Saturday night.  Ahem.  You know, so I don't accidentally run one of them over if they should happen to fall off their high heels.

{;-) Dan (the caring humanitarian) in Miami

Next time I'm down your way

Coaster's picture

Let's pass on the reef diving and the trip to Key West and go on a Slut Tour.   Unless Mrs. Coaster is with me, then it will be ixnay on the utslays.  Unless I can find a shopping mall I can drop her at for a few days.

I just love the latinas.

RidingFool's picture

They stick together. They're tough as nails. They shave their eyebrows. They're good in a knife fight.

Umm, well, maybe that last part is the Puerto Rican girls.

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