Halloween

Bomb Rating: 

Although she's pretty resolute for a girl being chased by a maniac, Laurie still makes all the same mistakes that drive audiences nuts. Let's list them quickly.

When I got up to relieve my Don Johnson while watching this 1978 John Carpenter horror film, I felt no need to stop or pause the DVD. This came shortly after the part where Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis) stabs Michael Myers in the neck with a knitting needle and is about to lock the kids in the closet (a really swell idea with a psychopath coming up the stairs).

The reason? I didn't need to actually watch the film to know what was happening, because for every specific activity, Carpenter has assigned a specific tune. Watching the movie all these years later, I realized the reason for the music was that all those people wishing to kick back, close their eyes and take a nap would still know what was going on. They could actually carry on a conversation with their friends about the movie afterward, because their subconscious knew what happened.

I was stunned, disappointed, and just generally put off that this film is so incredibly slow. Myers doesn't actually mutilate anyone until well into the film, and when he finally does, he strangles one of Laurie's friends in a car. He's not even very good at it. The strangulation takes way too long, making one wonder why Laurie's knitting needle to the neck didn't finish off the weak Myers.

Although she's pretty resolute for a girl being chased by a maniac, Laurie still makes all the same mistakes that drive audiences nuts. Let's list them quickly:

0. Never turn your back on a psycho once he's been felled.
1. Once you've got his weapon away from him, don't drop it on the floor for him to pick up later.
2. Don't lock anybody in a closet, with the possible exception of Richard Simmons.

And finally,

4. When standing over the psycho, knife in hand, instead of assuming one stab wound has done the job, very seriously consider hacking him up into very small bits and dumping the parts in different locations. John Carpenter's yard, for instance.

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    Repeat it well and repeat it often because that's all you'll be saying during this pseudo-horror film by John Carpenter, who followed up "Halloween" with this sad excuse for a movie.

For you Glen Beck haters out there

Dan_in_Cincinnati's picture

This is for those of you who suspect that Glen Beck is just another overrated, former DJ, drug addicted, Faux News commentator.  Stephen Colbert at Comedy Central does another one of his demented hatchet jobs:

http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/223279/march-31-2...

If that link doesn't work try this one:

http://tinyurl.com/deortm

{;-) Dan in Miami

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