Halloween: Resurrection

Bomb Rating: 

At the beginning of this, the eighth installment of the "Halloween" series, Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) is sitting in a mental institution with this horrible look of anguish and detachment on her face that screams "the makeup person got caught in traffic!" The explanation for this is that in the previous movie Laurie killed Michael Myers, but it turned out to be a guy in a Michael Myers mask (you wonder whether Laurie has some sort of royalty deal on those). However, about ten minutes into the film we learn that this isn't really Laurie Strode, but Jamie Lee Curtis herself, dejected at the thought of being let go from Sprint and having to do yet another awful sequel to make ends meet.

Fortunately for Jamie, this first ten or so minutes serves only one purpose, and that's to give her a permanent way out of the franchise. I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like this in a film before. Clearly, Curtis didn't want to be in the whole film, so they concocted this stupid little subplot to get rid of her. After all the trouble she's been through, Laurie is able to get Michael in a helpless position, but she has to make sure it's him, just to be absolutely sure. After all, it might be another psychopathic killer coming after her or just some regular guy in a Michael Myers mask wielding a butcher knife and she wouldn't kill just anyone chasing her with a butcher knife, only Michael.

Anyway, Michael kills Laurie and the film turns into "The Blair Witch" meets "Big Brother" meets "Geraldo Opens Al Capone's Secret Vault." The premise is that a group of kids plans to run around Michael's run-down, childhood home, and Freddie Harris (Busta Rhymes) and his assistant, Nora Winston (Tyra Banks), are going to broadcast it across the Internet. So, we get the obligatory view from the digital camera where everything is fuzzy and distorted and we begin to realize that as technology evolves, humans seem to regress. We also get the obligatory "hey, look what I found" scene (which is actually better than Geraldo because the kids do find stuff). Then we get the obligatory "Michael Myers shows up and starts chopping everybody to bits" scene.

If filmmakers are going to torture us with the same tired crap, can't they at least make the gore reasonably creative? How many times do they think Michael can stab somebody and have it be interesting? We know for sure at the beginning of the film that Sara Moyer (Bianca Kajlich) will survive because director Rick Rosenthal focuses on her for about five minutes as the "pensive one." Everyone else is fodder as Michael rips through them like a tornado through a trailer park. One suspects though, that after her brief stint as Michael's survivor, Kajlich will start the next movie with much the same expression as Jamie Lee, and much the same desire to kill herself.

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Average: 1.3 (3 votes)

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