Bomb Rating: 

This is a cops and robbers movie with Al Pacino as the main cop and Robert DeNiro as the main robber. Val Kilmer also plays one of DeNiro's sidekicks -- a proverbial Robin to DeNiro's Batman, if you will, something that is so cinematically confusing it gives you a headache just thinking about it, which forces you to leave the theater for some aspirin and water and by the time you come back you're lost.

The movie is directed by Michael Mann who was responsible for "Last of the Mohicans" where he proves that Native Americans can be just as boring as any other ethnic group. Michael Mann is known for his definitive style, which in "Heat" amounts to incredibly long, drawn out scenes where tangential characters ponder the main characters' life choices by saying things like (and I'm paraphrasing here): "This job, it's eating you up inside; it's tearing you apart. You're not a human being anymore. Please come back to me before it's too late. We can be happy." Of course, the main character then responds with something like: "Do you have any beer in the fridge?" Then Michael Mann takes the camera and pans up to a grease spot on the wall and stays there for two-and-a-half minutes expecting that the audience will quietly ponder the meaning of life (I went to the bathroom).

Ultimately, this film is nothing more than an acting duel between Pacino and DeNiro won hands-down by DeNiro because Pacino's preferred method of acting is to scream like an imbecile and forget that he's playing a policeman and not the military guy from "Scent of a Woman." He does everything but say "Hoo-aahh."

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