Heavy

Bomb Rating: 

Not too long ago, Deborah Harry was putting out cigarettes on her breast in "Videodrome." Now she looks like the "before" shot in one of those Slimfast advertisements.

Ten years ago you could have thrown a donut between Shelly Wintersand Deborah Harry (lead singer for Blondie) and be guaranteed that Shelly Winters would not only devour the donut, but devour Deborah Harry right along with it. So maybe the big surprise in this little-known independent film by director James Mangold is the revelation that today, that very same donut-toss would get you even odds in Vegas. Not too long ago, Deborah Harry was putting out cigarettes on her breast in "Videodrome." Now she looks like the "before" shot in one of those Slimfast advertisements.

The irony here is that Dolly (Shelly Winters) and Delores (Deborah Harry) serve as mutual nemesis throughout this film while it's Dolly's slow-witted son, Victor (Pruitt Taylor Vince), who is concerned about his weight. As a result, he has a recurring thing (that's a film-school term) with a Slimfast-like drink throughout the film. (PC ALERT: The Council for Political Correctness has just informed us that Mr. Cranky may no longer use the term "slow-witted" as it may offend relatives of those with below average intelligence quotients. New, acceptable terms for people who may be slow-witted include "unintellectually actualized," "conceptually challenged" and "smart.")

The film is a slice-of-life look at a small town bar owned by Dolly where Victor serves as the chef. One day Callie (Liv Tyler) shows up as the new waitress and we're forced to suffer through a couple hours of watching pathetic fat guy Victor drooling over Liv Tyler. (PC ALERT: The Council for Political Correctness has called again -- this time to sternly inform us that Mr. Cranky may no longer use the term "pathetic fat guy" as it may offend individuals who are, in fact, pathetically fat. New, acceptable terms for the grossly obese include "attractiveness- impaired," "gravitationally gifted" and "svelte.")

While Victor ogles Liv Tyler, I advise braver moviegoers to watch his eyes, which tend to bob back and forth in a very creepy fashion. In the immortal words of Amanda Donohoe in Ken Russell's "Lair of the White Worm": That kind of shit freaks me out.

To spread the word about this Heavy review on Twitter.

To get instant updates of Mr. Cranky reviews, subscribe to our RSS feed.
0 Comments

Like This Heavy Review? Vote it Up.

0

Rate This Movie:

Average: 5 (1 vote)

Other Cranky Content You Might Enjoy

  • Since the day I saw the feel-good coming-of-age film "Chuck and Buck," I've been wary of unrecognized "friends" from grade school who pop up out of nowhere and suddenly want to be my buddy.

  • Let's be realistic here. Is there anybody out there who expected this film to be anything other than a dreadful piece of trash?

  • This movie should have ended at the point where playwright Erica Barry has finally finished crying over the end of her one-week fling with Harry Langer (Jack Nicholson) and regathered her strength.