Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Bomb Rating: 

This movie was written by, directed by, and stars John Cameron Mitchell. That bastard has been trying to sell me those cheap-ass Timex watches for God only knows how long, and now I get to learn that he's a transvestite. Is Timex aware of this? This certainly gives new meaning to the phrase "takes a licking and keeps on ticking."

Hedwig (Mitchell) is a rock-n'-roll lounge act, except that instead of playing in lounges, he plays in salad bars and other strange places. Hedwig and his band, The Angry Inch, are following big-time rock star Tommy Gnosis (Michael Pitt) because Hedwig claims to have written all his songs.

Hedwig's story is a long and convoluted one. Basically, he grew up in East Germany, where he met a soldier who didn't mind that Hedwig had a penis. However, in order to leave East Germany, Hedwig needed to get a sex change operation, which he did. Unfortunately, the doctors bungled it and Hedwig was left with a lump of flesh instead of either a penis or a vagina. Thus the "angry inch".

I really thought Mitchell was going to pull a "crying game" at some point, and I spent most of my time in the theater desperately looking for somebody with an enormous cranium to hide behind in case that happened. Frankly, I'm surprised I didn't have a heart attack, because that is some serious stress. I was also not particularly appreciative that Mitchell couldn't shave his pits and I had to look at those hairy little monsters throughout the entire film. Another thing: I think the number of kids who go to see this film thinking it's a Harry Potter prequel or something is going to be substantial. Shouldn't there be a disclaimer of some sort? Shouldn't J.K. Rowling sue the crap out of John Cameron Mitchell and Timex for creating this confusion? If a court case gets this thing out of the theater any faster, I say go for i

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