Hideous Kinky

Bomb Rating: 

There's this one scene early in the film where somebody, possibly Julia's (Kate Winslet) lover Bilal (Said Taghmaoui), rolls off of her and suddenly, there are Kate Winslet's nipples, big as trash can lids, staring out at the audience as if to say, "Hi, welcome to Marrakesh. Please enjoy the scenery."

Now, I'm all for seeing Kate Winslet's nipples as often as possible. Unfortunately, it's symptomatic of this film that they should be shown in such a patently ornamental way. In other words, here's a little pointless nudity. Incidentally, Kate's nipples must have expanded since "Titanic" because they're rather large and oddly-shaped now. If they had been the only thing on the screen I would have thought I was looking at topographical maps of Spain and Algeria.

Julia is in Marrakesh with her two young daughters, Lucy (Carrie Mullan) and Bea (Bella Riza), in the early '70s. She's escaped London and her philandering husband and asserts that she's on some sort of mission of discovery. Then they just kind of... ramble around. For 90 minutes. Director Gillies MacKinnon's film is about discovery, yet I waited like a buzzing fly around a horribly constipated dog for MacKinnon to discover something, anything. Perhaps his discovery will be after the movie, when he finds out that about a hundred other directors also used "White Rabbit" and "Somebody to Love" in their soundtracks.

MacKinnon is a former painter and art professor, and that elitist ego bleeds out of this film like a man shot through the chest with a cannonball. Shots of Morocco do absolutely nothing for me. It's all dirt. A blind man with one leg could find Marrakesh easier than I could find a storyline in "Hideous Kinky."

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