High Crimes

Bomb Rating: 

Apparently, Morgan Freeman is about the only person still willing to work with Ashley Judd.

Apparently, Morgan Freeman is about the only person still willing to work with Ashley Judd, though rumor has it that Ashley is responsible for the vast majority of gray hairs on Freeman's head. This is their second movie together despite Judd's ever-growing reputation for being a major pain in the ass. However, Mr. Cranky has learned that Freeman has a clause in his contract stipulating that if Judd will do most of her scenes in a tank top wearing no bra, he will work with her. This information came straight from the costume designer, who spent the vast majority of the production adjusting electrical equipment to precisely verify whether Judd's nipples were "slightly" visible through her variously colored tank tops.

Apparently, highly paid female lawyers do spend most of their day running around braless in tank tops. Thank God for that. Judd plays Claire Kubik, who decides to defend her husband, Ronald Chapman (James Caviezel) in military court when he's accused of murder. Unfortunately for Claire, it's news to her that her hubby was ever in the military. Hell, I can't even go on a date without having a woman search the Internet and discover my shoe size (it's 13, you nosy bloodsuckers) and the name of my first cat (Pussy Galore).

So Claire, knowing very little about military justice, hires down-and-out lawyer Charles Grimes (Morgan Freeman) to help her because he's supposed to be "the best." Charles knows tons about military law, which explains why he's a complete wreck and lives in a cardboard box (well, almost). The actual explanation is that he's an alcoholic (if you weren't aware, this is Amanda Peet/Black Alcoholics Week at the movies). Consequently, this trial provides Grimes with that ever-popular chance at redemption, which means that he and Claire will win the case and he'll stop drinking.

Even though it becomes evident that Claire's life is in danger, probably due to the fact that the case involves Brig. General William Marks (Bruce Davison), Claire's sister (Amanda Peet) shows up to make trouble and screw the military lawyer (Adam Scott) first assigned to the case. Ultimately, the film portrays a military that is able to secretly slaughter an entire village in South America (or wherever the hell it is) but can't get rid of one small, pesky female lawyer. I guess this is what makes America great.

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