Highlander: Endgame

Bomb Rating: 

At first, I thought the sword sequences were in slow-motion, but then I realized these guys just suck.

I was walking into the theater when I turned to a friend accompanying me and asked, "Is this the fourth film in the series?" and he said, "Have there been four or five? I'm not sure." When conversations like this occur in regard to films, somebody needs to be flogged. In a universe with a kind and loving God, there never should have been more than one.

Once again, Christopher Lambert stars as Connor MacLeod, a man who has lived for centuries because he's immortal. I don't know what Christopher Lambert did during the second and third film, but he apparently spent at least some time at the Arnold Schwarzenegger school for American accents. I thought this guy grew up in Paris. He sounds like one of those losers who's forgotten his passport and is trying to convince an airport official to let him on the plane.

This time MacLeod has a buddy named Duncan (Adrian Paul), and they have a common enemy named Jacob Kell (Bruce Payne) who's becoming really powerful. See, apparently Kell has killed six hundred or so other immortals while Duncan and Connor, regrettably, have only killed a few hundred each. You add up the headcount, and that's how powerful you are. It's like collecting Pokémon cards or something.

First-time director Douglas Aarniokoski (who could do himself a favor by changing his last name to Aaron -- and changing his career to car salesman) has more flashbacks than Tim Leary at a Grateful Dead concert. The dialogue is pathetic. At first, I thought the sword sequences were in slow-motion, but then I realized these guys just suck. The only person who can fight worth a damn is killed off. The final scenes of this movie involve Paul going through the Quickening, which is when lightning hits you and you absorb the energy of your vanquished enemy. I don't know what spirit Paul thinks he's channeling, but apparently that person was constipated. The rest of you should have no trouble passing this movie.

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