Homeward Bound II: Lost in San Francisco

Bomb Rating: 

If there's any satisfaction in watching a movie like this, it comes from imagining the conversation that took place between some producer and some Hollywood executive: "Say, Bob, here's an idea. Whatdayasay we make 'Home Alone 2' all over again except we get animals to play the Macauley Culkin part?"

"Homeward Bound II" is the kind of movie that gives weary parents an excuse to ditch their five-year-olds for two hours, while hoping to God the kids don't try to kill the family later in life because the dog told them to do it. Now, I may not be five years old, but if someone had given me the choice a half hour into this movie between strapping Fran Drescher to my head so she could laugh in my ear for the rest of my life and sitting through the rest of the movie, I would have actually had to think about it.

You see, Michael J. Fox is the voice of one of the dogs, Chance, while Sally Field is the voice of the cat, Sassy. What could be more excruciating then listening to Michael J. Fox whine like an adolescent who's eaten about five too many Milky Ways? For argument sake, let me list three things I would rather listen to:

1. Robert Goulet singing "Inna-gadda-da-vida."
2. Melanie Griffith reciting Shakespeare.
3. A dentist with a high speed drill making holes in my teeth so deep that he punctures my skull.

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