I Am David

Bomb Rating: 

I guess this film was made to remind us that labor camps suck. Though I have never personally been in a labor camp, I can admit honestly that I really didn't need a self-righteous children's film to explain it to me and I have a sneaking suspicion that most children over the age of five don't either. It's one of those things that you can sort of explain to them and they usually understand.

"Bobby, bad people used to put children like you in camps where they made them lift rocks and didn't allow them to do anything fun like play Xbox or eat."

See? I think they just could have handed out a commemorative bookmark or a mug or something at the theater before showings of "Christmas with the Kranks" or "The Polar Express" and reduced everyone's suffering because we all would have gotten just as much out of that bookmark. The bookmark would have emphasized the badness of labor camp, saved me the time of actually having to sit through "I Am David" and also allowed me to focus my attention on something other than the previously mentioned two shitty films as well. All good things.

David (Ben Tibber) escapes from camp at the behest of a fellow inmate, Johannes (James Caviezel). Once he escapes from camp, young David wins the lottery about four times in a row (metaphorically speaking, of course), and discovers the Holy Grail of lost children. Now, I won't exactly give this secret away, but you can abbreviate it with the following letters: MILF. Incidentally, Jim Caviezel's character once again bites it for the sins of fellow characters which is something I'm getting a little sick of. Dying for the sins of others once is perfectly fine, but make a habit of it and you kind of start to look selfish.

Ben Tibber doesn't exactly rank up there on the list of great child actors either, unless you consider the "I just lost my puppy" style a thing of genius. Add to that his English accent, and every time he opened his mouth he reminded me of Oliver asking for more porridge.

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