Inception

Bomb Rating: 

Nolan, however, thought he had a better way to approach a movie about dreaming: make it really, really boring. In fact, make it so boring that the audience is unable to tell if it is asleep or awake.

“Yo dawg – we heard you like to dream, so we put a dream in yo’ dream so you can sleep while you sleep!”

If Inception had been directed by Xzibit, then that would have been the tag line. But instead, it was directed by Christopher Nolan and so instead of a rapper’s folksy wisdom we were instead treated to two and half hours of poorly-filmed shaky-cam fight scenes, four thousand lines of expository dialogue and the kind of weak narrative thread that wouldn’t hold together an elementary school Christmas pageant. You know how when you go to see a play, and it turns out that it’s really a play within a play within a play – within a play? This is exactly like that, only it’s with dreams – and it sucks even harder.

The basic problem about making a movie about dreaming is that in dreams, you can do anything you want to do and it doesn’t have to make any sense at all. If you were to commit that concept to film, you would end up with some kind of David Lynch meets Darren Aronofsky monstrosity that wiped your brain clean of rational thought by the time the opening credits had rolled by. Or a movie directed by Renny Harlin.

Nolan, however, thought he had a better way to approach a movie about dreaming: make it really, really boring. In fact, make it so boring that the audience is unable to tell if it is asleep or awake. Then, insert a completely wasted cast of A-list actors and tell them to read every line as though it were coming from a text book on How To Be Dull And Alienate People. As a final touch, include only two female characters, one of whom is dead (SPOILER ALERT!), so that audiences don’t catch on to the fact that you are incapable of writing for anyone without a y chromosome.

Oh, and make sure to stretch the fucking movie out as long as fucking possible by including the kind of pointless action sequences that look as though they have been pulled straight from a generic first person shooter set on the ice planet Hoth. Seriously, there is a 45-minute segment of Inception where everyone wears white camo and gets a huge gun, and in between scenes of faceless enemies blasting away at our heroes on snowmobiles we are treated to a slow motion shot of a Ford van falling off a bridge backwards. I only wish that I were making that last sentence up, but this is a really pivotal part of the movie – at least, I think it was – because right after it ended, I lost control of my bowels. All that was missing was a Wampa and Jaws from the James Bond franchise and it would have been the perfect generic movie mindfuck.

I really would like to be able to say that Inception was an innovative film about dudes stealing the dreams of other dudes and maybe getting frisky with some kind of sexy ‘dream girls’ along the way, but I can’t. Instead, I have to tell you that Inception is the reason I became a homeless heroin addict. Or at least one of the reasons. Because it was boring or something. I’m sorry, I left the part of me that cares back in that movie theatre.

Oh, and as a side note, has anyone else noticed that DiCaprio will now only star in movies that allow him to exclusively wear 50’s-style clothing? What is up with that?

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The nuke? Really? You

jazzdrive3's picture

The nuke? Really? You brought out the big guns for this movie?

Is this another Vanilla Sky, or something far worse?

TMundo's picture

Vanilla Sky was a bit lynchian except they explained everything at the end and it was all tied up a little too perfect.  I like surreal films that only give me half of the story.  Lynch gets on my nerves for obvious reasons.  Just because he's the only one that knows what's going on, doesn't mean he's a genious.  He's the one making the film, therefore he knows the point of the film and you don't, that's not genious, that's called scattering the evidence on purpose so that the film is more difficult to figure out.  If a viewer actually figures out what's going on, he's the genious.  Sure the director put more work into it than the viewer did, but still, the director knows what's going on the entire time.

I like my surreal films somewhere in the middle, enough explained to bring closure, but still enough left for a second or third viewing.  Fight Club, for instance, never gets old, even though it drags ion a bit, it's a fun little film that goes off on tangents and still ties things up neatly, but it's closure brings up more questions and you go watch it again.

Then there's bunuel, another story entirely.

So where does this film fall?

if i hadn;t been reviewing it, i would have walked out

DrThomasNoisewater's picture

it was that bad.

 

 

Many of those who've seen it think it's among 2010's best

Coaster's picture

Including me, my wife, my son and everybody else I know who has seen it. 

One huge complaint that most people have is that nothing new ever comes out of Hollywood.  Yet Christopher Nolan's work includes Memento, The Prestige, and now this.  He's beein using more new than any other five directors combined.  I also liked his take on Batman.  He keeps making 'em and I'll keep watching 'em.  I haven't been disappointed yet. 

And I don't care if DiCaprio is making all of his movies in a mankini. I he keeps making movies like The Aviator, The Departed, Shutter Island, and Inception, my ass is going to be in the seats. 

Coaster, do not forget Following, it is one of Nolan's best...

TMundo's picture

I can't say it features much action but it's all mystery, and even though it doesn't go in order, it's relatively easy to follow.  I'm surprised no one else on this site has ever mentioned it.

I thought I was awake while watching this movie, but

RidingFool's picture

in fact I was actually dreaming during the snowball fight when the Stay Puft man and the Michilin tire boy sodomized the entire theater audience.

I sleepwalked out of the theater before that part.

I'm thinking that Leo's hair is actually falling out, but he wears a 'piece.

Two questions about "Inception." <VERY MINOR SPOILERS>

HS's picture

1) What was up with the snowbound fortress?  I mean, it made for some cool James Bond shit, but why was that setting a part of Cillian Murphy's dream?

2) Who wrote this review?  This line, "If you were to commit that concept to film, you would end up with some kind of David Lynch meets Darren Aronofsky monstrosity that wiped your brain clean of rational thought by the time the opening credits had rolled by. Or a movie directed by Renny Harlin," reeks of Mr. Cranky himself.  Great stuff man!

 

HS

glad you liked it!  thanks

DrThomasNoisewater's picture

glad you liked it!  thanks for the compliment :)

Two answers (SPOILER ALERT!)

Xur's picture

1. The snow fortress level was supposed to be Cillian Murphy's character's father's associate's dream, as far as Cillian Murphy's character knew.  He was supposed to think he was invading his father's associate's dream to learn about the alternate will, thus planting the idea that his father really wanted him to let go of the empire and be his own man.  It was supposed to be a maze to keep his subconscious 'projections' from ganging up on the crew before they finished their mission.

2. I have no idea.

 

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