I was watching a concert DVD from a well-known comedian whose entire act consisted primarily of jokes meant to entertain ten-year-olds. One punch-line that got huge laughs involved the comedian doing #2 in a guy’s pie hole.

I thought to myself, what exactly happens when you’re sitting alone, writing your jokes or your script, and you suddenly stumble upon this kind of comedic Holy Grail? Do the angels sing to you? Are you blinded by the heavenly light? Does God’s voice ring in your ears?

I was similarly flummoxed watching “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry”, which has all the maturity of a fraternity kegger. Even more stunning? The screenplay is partially credited to Alexander (“Election”) Payne. Way to whore out your dark side there, Alex. Adam Sandler and Kevin James play New York firefighters Chuck Levine and Larry Valentine, who fake a gay relationship in order to make sure that, due to some obscure legal problem, Chuck will be Larry’s beneficiary and take care of his kids should anything fatal happen on the job.

Unfortunately, using the word “fake” implies a level of reality that doesn’t exist in “Chuck and Larry”. Everybody in “Chuck and Larry” misses the fact that in order to be believable, Chuck and Larry must actually behave like married gay men. What they act like are two pro football players forced to role-play during a mandatory anti-discrimination class.

This forces every supporting character into the role of moron, being that they appear to believe the act. Particularly painful is the character of Alex McDonough (Jessica Biel), the lawyer who represents Chuck and Larry. Apparently, if you’re smart, female, and trusting of your new gay friend, having him feel you up is as natural as sipping tea. The arc of Alex’s relationship with Chuck is so painfully obvious it’s like watching a pair of Roombas perform “Romeo and Juliet.”

In the end, we learn that tolerance is good and intolerance is bad. Here’s the thing: if you’re a decent human being, you already knew that and if you’re a gay-hating jackass, there’s more than a one in a billion chance that an Adam Sandler movie is suddenly going to make you see the light. Thus, the gay-hating jackass gets to laugh at the faggot jokes while the decent human being gets to feel all warm inside during the predictable cathartic end where the self-congratulatory stench is so vile it was everything I could do not to ram my pencil in my eyeball.

Ironically, there is something uniquely postmodern about “Chuck and Larry”, but it’s postmodern in the same way seeing Dennis Franz’s butt on “NYPD Blue” was postmodern. It’s kind of shocking at first and then after a few seconds you hope you never have to see it again.