Insomnia

Bomb Rating: 

Now that (director Christopher) Nolan has made a name for himself, he's finding projects where all he has to do is turn the camera on and point it at the Oscar-winning actors.

Fortunately for the world, director Christopher ("Memento") Nolan has managed to make a film that moves consistently forward, from beginning to end unlike that goofy "Memento," which was to linear storytelling what Carrot Top is to raw sexuality. Now that Nolan has made a name for himself, he's finding projects where all he has to do is turn the camera on and point it at the Oscar-winning actors.

In this film's case, those actors are Al Pacino, Robin Williams and Hilary Swank. Pacino plays LAPD detective Will Dormer. Dormer travels to the small town of Nightmute, Alaska, where he immediately learns the town was supposed to be called "Nighthawks," Alaska, after the Sylvester Stallone film of the same name. However, the town's founder was a deaf mute and nobody really ever understood what he was saying, so they improvised.

Dormer is there with his partner, Hap (Martin Donovan), to investigate the brutal killing of a female teenager. They're assisted by a local neophyte cop (Hilary Swank), who fawns over Dormer like he's a vibrating teddy bear. After a rather unfortunate accident, Dormer gets a call from the killer, a local mystery writer named Walter Finch (Robin Williams). The two men begin a battle of wits (which is an Alaskan game one plays with oil-covered birds). Can Dormer arrest Finch without incriminating himself? Will Hilary Swank dress up in men's clothing? Can Robin Williams go more than five minutes without cracking a joke about cocaine bunnies?

This film is a remake of a 1997 Norwegian film. Everybody knows that Hollywood hates Norway and Norwegians and considers their film industry to be about as important as a pimple on Steve Case's ass. In fact, not only did AOL Time Warner produce this film, but they offered that pathetic country two points plus a percentage of the back-end for the right to run MPEGs of the King of Norway touching his bare bottom with live Halibut just so nobody would get the idea that the original "Insomnia" could have been better than this remake.

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