In the Cut

Bomb Rating: 

That's right: Meg Ryan is naked, which is pretty much all this film has to offer. It's like visiting the Pavilion of the Future at the Los Angeles plastic surgery expo.

Here's what actually happened while I was trying to watch this movie: I walked into the theater and saw about ten other people. In my usual effort to get as far away from them as possible, I sat on the left side of the theater in the last row.

About five minutes after the trailers started playing, in walked a couple. They sat down and immediately started talking, which was fine during the trailers, but they kept it up once the movie started, causing a woman in front of them to turn around and ssshh them. The guy spilled his popcorn on the floor and then stomped on it throughout the movie. About three quarters of the way through the movie, the woman began giving the guy a blow job right there in the theater. While I didn't actually witness any skin-to-skin contact, I figured that the woman's head between the guy's legs and him eventually putting a coat over her head where pretty good indicators. So just keep in mind that this was what I was putting up with during this film.

What kind of a film causes such reactions? Well, the kind of movie that causes "When Harry Met Sally" flashbacks for horny, geeky guys who've been pining for Meg since she faked that orgasm back in 1989. Now, instead of simply making the sounds, Meg is actually naked, performing the act.

That's right: Meg Ryan is naked, which is pretty much all this film has to offer. It's like visiting the Pavilion of the Future at the Los Angeles plastic surgery expo. Otherwise, "In the Cut" is just a stupid killer-on-the-loose film. The main difference is that after women end up dead, Det. Malloy (Mark Ruffalo) shows up on the scene to interrogate witnesses and tell them that he's going to lick their groins. Well, at least he tells Meg that he's going to lick her groin. I extrapolated that this probably wasn't his first groin-licking conversation.

While most women would slap a harassment suit on both Malloy and the police department, literature teacher Frannie (Meg Ryan) is so desperate she'd rather sleep with the guy, even after she starts to suspect he may be the killer. After all, what other kind of guy goes around talking about licking groins after a single beer?

As with most killer-on-the-loose movies, the list of potential guilty candidates is a short one. It's either Det. Malloy, a jilted boyfriend (Kevin Bacon), or Malloy's partner, Det. Rodriguez (Nick Damici). When the killer is finally revealed, it's not like it makes much sense. The whole movie doesn't make any sense, other than to ask the simplistic question of how far a hard up woman will go before she suspects the man slobbering all over her groin might be a vicious killer.

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