Jack Kerouac is now officially spinning in his grave. Not because the young "hero" of this road flick is about as charismatic as a can of cling peaches. No, the real problem here is that the protagonist never does drugs. What kind of anti-establishment rebellious hero is that? Oh sure he does have a drink in a bar in one scene. One scene! He even turns down sex with a teenage girl in another scene!

Christopher McCandless was an actual goody two shoes honor student who donated his entire savings of $24,000 to charity, burned up his identification and pocket money and went on the road as a hobo. This movie is based on a book by Jon Krakauer about the life of McCandless. Apparently some young people in the USA have tried to turn the book into "The Catcher in the Rye" of their generation. McCandless is supposed to speak to disaffected young people. So what great pearls of wisdom did McCandless leave behind? Try these:

Christopher McCandless: Mr. Franz I think careers are a 20th century invention and I don't want one.

Christopher McCandless: When you want something in life, you just gotta reach out and grab it.

Christopher McCandless: Rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... give me truth.

Christopher McCandless: Some people feel like they don't deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past.

So should you walk quietly into a dark empty space, namely your local theater where this movie may still be showing? Only if you want to watch McCandless illegally try to kayak some of the most dangerous whitewater in the world on the Colorado River with no training. Folks that's about the equivalent of trying to drive in the Indy 500 with a learner's permit. So here's your existential hero for the 21st century: a moron.

Later on in the flick McCandless decides to walk into the wildest places of Alaska without a compass or map. Amazingly he ends up trapped in the wild with no way out and not enough to eat. And this guy was an honors student in college? Clearly a college diploma now has all the validity of a greasy hamburger wrapper.

Ancient Chinese Proverb say: Man who walk through Alaskan woods with no sense of direction soon ends up excreted from south end of bear headed north.

Most movie rebels and Jack Kerouac's characters have at least some competence. Christopher McCandless was just a naive young man with a death wish and no clue. He was supposedly on a vision quest, although the movie does not explicitly say so. Even the most rebellious and nihilistic teenager should know he was just a dweeb.

--Dan_in_Cincinnati