The Island of Dr. Moreau

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An island full of half-animal, half-human beasts can only beg one question: "Where's Ron Perlman?"

All I knew about this film as I walked into it was that MarlonBrando was playing the title character. Therefore, I assumed that the poster in the window and the marquee out front were misprints and that the title of the film was actually "The Island IS Dr. Moreau."

It seemed feasible then that David Thewlis and Val Kilmer would be lost at sea, only to eventually land on Marlon Brando. They would then spend the next two hours mapping out his body only to realize what a hopeless endeavor they had embarked upon and just how absolutely gigantic Marlon really was.

But alas, "The Island of Dr. Moreau" updates the classic 1896 H.G. Wells story about a brilliant geneticist, Dr. Moreau (Brando), and his assistant, Montgomery (Kilmer), who have created an island full of beasts mutated with human DNA. Unfortunately for Edward Douglas (Thewlis), Montgomery finds him adrift at sea and takes him to the island.

An island full of half-animal, half-human beasts can only beg one question: "Where's Ron Perlman?" Sure enough, Perlman shows up as the half-ram, half-man Sayer of the Law, who explains that nobody is supposed to kill anything on the island -- a law handed down by the deified Moreau, known to the freaks as "the father." The law holds up until one of the citizens discovers that the father has been shocking the crap out of the animals and keeping them in line via a computer chip implanted in their chests.

This prompted me to wager all my quatloos on the newcomer to be the only thrall to make it off the island alive.

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