Jack Frost

Bomb Rating: 

"Jack Frost" is the sort of warty, cartilaginous mutation you would getif you stuffed "Ghost," "Frosty the Snowman" and maybe a couple sheets of LSD into the same transmogrifier. A dad named Jack Frost (Michael Keaton), who doesn't pay enough attention to his son, Charlie (Joseph Cross), is killed in a car accident, then reincarnated as a snowman so he, in a jaw-dropping plot twist sure to redefine the very medium of film, can spend time with his kid and learn to be a real father.

This story is supposedly set in Colorado. There seems to be a lot of snow on the ground and people keep mentioning that they're freezing, yet Jack's widow, Gabby (Kelly Preston), all but runs around in thong bikini bottoms with her coat wrapped around her head like a turban. Also, despite the constant snow, the flakes never appear to actually land on anybody. Sounds idyllic: I guess the only thing people in Colorado do all day is frolic, throw snowballs, and complain about how cold all that computer-generated snow is.

How ironic that a film supposedly lauding the heartwarming catharsis of human connection relies almost entirely on computer graphics. Once Jack convinces Charlie that it's him inside the snowman, they go snowboarding together in a scene that looks like it was constructed on a Sony Playstation.

Since Jack the Snowman is made up of balls, he refers to his balls as often as possible to enhance the "family" aspect of this family film. In the climactic sequence, Jack is melting and Charlie saves him by hauling him up to the top of the mountain, only to have the film end with Jack announcing that he's got to go. Then he has a Patrick Swayze moment and evaporates. If I were Charlie, I would have demanded to know why the hell I had just spent all that damn time lugging his fat, frozen ass up the mountain when I could have just as well let him melt in the Pic-N-Save parking lot while I was warm at home, playing "Xtreme-3D Snowboard 2000" or "SimFamily" on my Sony Playstation.

To spread the word about this Jack Frost review on Twitter.

To get instant updates of Mr. Cranky reviews, subscribe to our RSS feed.
1 Comment

Like This Jack Frost Review? Vote it Up.


Rate This Movie:

Other Cranky Content You Might Enjoy

  • Whenever a movie gives its main character a name that describes his job in some way, you just know that movie has no aspirations to be anything other than a piece of smelly, chunky hog vomit.

  • Warning: Euphemisms!

    This movie is sort of like "Willy Wonka" meets "Lonesome Dove" because it's about cowboys and candy, if you ask me.

  • I bet there were a couple different endings considered for this film in which two very different guys, Jack Lawrence (Billy Crystal) and Dale Putley (Robin Williams), search for a boy, Scott (Charlie

Frosty the Snowman

elderly_gentleman's picture

appears to be a tad on the crotchety side.


Things were never like that when I was a kid.

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.